Reality Means Being Visible; Being Seen And Being Heard

View this post on Instagram

As a full-time mom, I value my reading addiction because it keeps me sane. I mainly read to escape, so it’s important that i feed on paperbacks. . Ever since I changed into a toddler bed and went cold turkey with the pacifier, she’s been fighting off naps. What’s worse, the more exhausted she is, the less likely she naps. It’s been affecting her health and general behavior. She hasn’t been regulating her emotions as well as she used to. . So me and the husband discussed about it. “What can she safely consume to induce sleep?” He raised. Chamomile tea was on top of my list. I grabbed one blended with lemongrass by @ahmadtea from the grocery shelf, and it saved my sanity. . She has been napping for the last 5 days consecutively, and mommy finally gets her reading time. . Reading protects my sanity. Why do you read? . . . . #booksandtea

A post shared by The Bookstore (@blankstacebookstore) on Feb 27, 2020 at 2:16am PST

from The Woman in the Window by A. J. Finn, page 84

I think of my hard drive, swollen with stolen images. I think of Jane Russell as she looked at me, unblinking, across the park. I'm not invisible. I'm not dead. I'm alive, and on display, and ashamed.

I think of Dr. Bulov in Spellbound: "My dear girl, you cannot keep bumping your head against reality and saying it is not there."

Literature Gives Us Identity

from Everything You Want Me to Be by Mindy Mejia

Every book changes you in some way, whether it's your perspective on the world or how you define yourself in relation to the world. Literature gives us identity, even terrible literature.

God Changes Caterpillars Into Butterflies

God changes caterpillars into butterflies, sand into pearls, and coal into diamonds using time and pressure. He’s working on you, too. - Rick Warren

Why You Should Write Down Your Ideas

Dark Matter by Blake Crouch, page 186

Amanda glances up from the notebook, asks, "You're sure writing it down is the best way to go?"

"When you write something, you focus your full attention on it. It's almost impossible to write one thing while thinking about another. The act of putting it on paper keeps your thoughts and intentions aligned."

A Girl's Best Friend: The Tess Brookes' Guide to Leaning In and Living Out Your Best Life

A Girl's Best Friend by Lindsey Kelk

MAJOR CAREER ADVICE

"Tess is going to shoot Sadie and James tomorrow," Angela explained. "She's a lifesaver."

from the look on Cici's face, I had to assume she did not agree.

"Angela, I know it's Christmas," she replied without taking her eyes off me. "And it's time for charity and all, but do you really think this is a good idea? Can we really not find a professional?"

If we hadn't been on the millionth floor of a skyscraper in the middle of Manhattan, I would have dug a hole in the ground, crawled into it and tried my very hardest to die. All the fight and fire I'd felt while convincing Angela to take a chance on me melted away in front of this very mean girl.

"So much of getting ahead nowadays is believing in yourself and you seemed pretty bloody convinced of yourself in my office yesterday or I wouldn't have given you the job. You can't let someone like Cici bring you down. There are an awful lot of those in this world."

"We can sit here all night and kiss your ass. But if you just want to wallow, there's nothing anyone can do for you."

"There are going to be a lot of people telling you you're shit, either because they're jealous of you or because they really think it. You have to be able to go out there with your photos and say, "oi you, look at my photos, they're amazing," no matter what anyone else says, not only when people are nice to you."

"The Keys to Life Are Running And Reading." - Will Smith

The key to life is running and reading.

Why running? When you’re running, there’s a little person that talks to you and says, ‘Oh I’m tired. My lungs’ about to pop. I’m so hurt. I’m so tired. There’s no way I can possibly continue.’ You want to quit. If you learn how to defeat that person when you’re running. You will learn how to not quit when things get hard in your life. Running! The first key to life.

Reading. The reason that reading is so important, there have been millions and billions and gazillions of people that have lived before all of us. There’s no new problem you could have, with your parents, with school, with a bully, with anything. There’s no problem that you could have that someone hasn’t already solved and wrote about it in a book.

So the keys to life are running and reading.

The Most Intimate Way to Spend Time With the One You Love [Migrated Post]

The World According to Anna by Jostein Gaarder, pages 181-182

She is sitting in a spaceship with the Arab boy. They have won an international award recognizing their efforts on the planet’s behalf. The prize is twelve orbits of the earth.

There are just the two of them in the tiny cabin. They don’t need to worry about anything technical: the shuttle is steered and controlled by computers; all they have to do is sit back and enjoy the trip. 

They look down on their planet. Both of them have seen photos from the Apollo mission more than a hundred years ago. The globe is unrecognizable now. It is much more obscured by clouds and storms. This tallies with their experience on the ground. The planet that looked like a bluish-green marble now has more in common with a colorless ball of wool.

Despite all the clouds, it is still a spectacular feeling to be in space, and they can still glimpse some green, brown, and blue patches between the cloud systems. That’s Africa, and there’s India, China and Japan . . .

What surprises her most is the silence. All she can hear is her friend’s breathing. She thinks she can also hear his heart beating. Or is it hers?

The boy is looking at her and smiling. “You’re so beautiful,” he says. She is embarrassed and turns away towards their planet. She looks at the world which created her and wishes she could change the subject by saying that she comes from a beautiful planet. It was beautiful, once.

No one on Earth can see them now. They are completely left to their own devices, and to each other. Being in a little spaceship is perhaps the most intimate way to spend time with someone you love, she thinks.

Up here in space, day and night last only a couple of hours. But they have seen twelve sunsets and twelve sunrises, and above the clouds the sky is always blue.

A Divorced Man Wrote These 20 Epic Marriage Advice He Wished He Could Have Had [Migrated Post]

Recently stumbled upon this post around Tumblr. Thought I might find it useful for future reference.

MARRIAGE ADVICE I WISH I WOULD HAVE HAD:

“Obviously, I’m not a relationship expert. But there’s something about my divorce being finalized this week that gives me perspective of things I wish I would have done different: After losing a woman that I loved, and a marriage of almost 16 years, here’s the advice I wish I would have had…”
– Gerald Rogers

1. NEVER STOP COURTING. NEVER STOP DATING. NEVER EVER take that woman for granted. When you asked her to marry you, you promised to be that man that would OWN HER HEART and to fiercely protect it. This is the most important and sacred treasure you will ever be entrusted with. SHE CHOSE YOU. Never forget that, and NEVER GET LAZY in your love.

2. PROTECT YOUR OWN HEART. Just as you committed to being the protector of her heart, you must guard your own with the same vigilance. Love yourself fully, love the world openly, but there is a special place in your heart where no one must enter except for your wife. Keep that space always ready to receive her and invite her in, and refuse to let anyone or anything else enter there.

3. FALL IN LOVE OVER AND OVER AND OVER AGAIN. You will constantly change. You’re not the same people you were when you got married, and in five years you will not be the same person you are today. Change will come, and in that you have to re-choose each other everyday. SHE DOESN’T HAVE TO STAY WITH YOU, and if you don’t take care of her heart, she may give that heart to someone else or seal you out completely, and you may never be able to get it back. Always fight to win her love just as you did when you were courting her.

4. ALWAYS SEE THE BEST IN HER. Focus only on what you love. What you focus on will expand. If you focus on what bugs you, all you will see is reasons to be bugged. If you focus on what you love, you can’t help but be consumed by love. Focus to the point where you can no longer see anything but love, and you know without a doubt that you are the luckiest man on earth to be have this woman as your wife.

5. IT’S NOT YOUR JOB TO CHANGE OR FIX HER. Your job is to love her as she is with no expectation of her ever changing. And if she changes, love what she becomes, whether it’s what you wanted or not.

6. TAKE FULL ACCOUNTABILITY. Take full accountability for your own emotions. It’s not your wife’s job to make you happy, and she CAN’T make you sad. You are responsible for finding your own happiness, and through that your joy will spill over into your relationship and your love.

7. NEVER BLAME HER IF YOU GET ANGRY. NEVER BLAME your wife If YOU get frustrated or angry at her, it is only because it is triggering something inside of YOU. They are YOUR emotions, and your responsibility. When you feel those feelings take time to get present and to look within and understand what it is inside of YOU that is asking to be healed. You were attracted to this woman because she was the person best suited to trigger all of your childhood wounds in the most painful way so that you could heal them: when you heal yourself, you will no longer be triggered by her, and you will wonder why you ever were.

8. ALLOW YOUR WOMAN TO JUST BE. When she’s sad or upset, it’s not your job to fix it, it’s your job to HOLD HER and let her know it’s ok. Let her know that you hear her, and that she’s important and that you are that pillar on which she can always lean. The feminine spirit is about change and emotion and like a storm her emotions will roll in and out, and as you remain strong and unjudging she will trust you and open her soul to you: DON’T RUN-AWAY WHEN SHE’S UPSET. Stand present and strong and let her know you aren’t going anywhere. Listen to what she is really saying behind the words and emotion.

9. BE SILLY. Don’t take yourself so damn seriously. Laugh. And make her laugh. Laughter makes everything else easier.

10. FILL HER SOUL EVERY DAY. Learn her love languages and the specific ways that she feels important and validated and CHERISHED. Ask her to create a list of 10 THINGS that make her feel loved and memorize those things and make it a priority everyday to make her feel like a queen.

11. BE PRESENT. Give her not only your time, but your focus, your attention and your soul. Do whatever it takes to clear your head so that when you are with her you are fully WITH HER. Treat her as you would your most valuable client. She is.

12. BE WILLING TO TAKE HER SEXUALLY. To carry her away in the power of your masculine presence, to consume her and devour her with your strength, and to penetrate her to the deepest levels of her soul. Let her melt into her feminine softness as she knows she can trust you fully.

13. DON’T BE AN IDIOT. Don’t be an idiot and don’t be afraid of being one either. You will make mistakes and so will she. Try not to make too big of mistakes, and learn from the ones you do make. You’re not supposed to be perfect, just try to not be too stupid.

14. GIVE HER SPACE. The woman is so good at giving and giving, and sometimes she will need to be reminded to take time to nurture herself. Sometimes she will need to fly from your branches to go and find what feeds her soul, and if you give her that space she will come back with new songs to sing. Okay, getting a little too poetic here, but you get the point. Tell her to take time for herself, ESPECIALLY after you have kids. She needs that space to renew and get re-centered, and to find herself after she gets lost in serving you, the kids and the world.

15. BE VULNERABLE. You don’t have to have it all together. Be willing to share your fears and feelings, and quick to acknowledge your mistakes.

16. BE FULLY TRANSPARENT. If you want to have trust you must be willing to share EVERYTHING: Especially those things you don’t want to share. It takes courage to fully love, to fully open your heart and let her in when you don’t know i she will like what she finds… Part of that courage is allowing her to love you completely, your darkness as well as your light. DROP THE MASK: If you feel like you need to wear a mask around her, and show up perfect all the time, you will never experience the full dimension of what love can be.

17. NEVER STOP GROWING TOGETHER. The stagnant pond breeds malaria, the flowing stream is always fresh and cool. Atrophy is the natural process when you stop working a muscle, just as it is if you stop working on your relationship. Find common goals, dreams and visions to work towards.

18. DON’T WORRY ABOUT MONEY. Money is a game, find ways to work together as a team to win it. It never helps when teammates fight. Figure out ways to leverage both persons strength to win.

19. FORGIVE IMMEDIATELY. Forgive immediately and focus on the future rather than carrying weight from the past. Don’t let your history hold you hostage. Holding onto past mistakes that either you or she makes, is like a heavy anchor to your marriage and will hold you back. FORGIVENESS IS FREEDOM. Cut the anchor loose and always choose love.

20. ALWAYS CHOOSE LOVE. ALWAYS CHOOSE LOVE… In the end, this is the only advice you need. If this is the guiding principle through which all your choices is governed, there is nothing that will threaten the happiness of your marriage. Love will always endure.

“In the end, MARRIAGE isn’t about “Happily ever after.” It’s about work. And a commitment to grow together and a willingness to continually invest in creating something that can endure eternity. Through that work, the happiness will come.Marriage is life, and it will bring ups and downs. Embracing all of the cycles and learning to learn from and love each experience will bring the strength and perspective to keep building, one brick at a time.”

These are lessons I learned the hard way. These are lessons I learned too late. But these are lessons I am learning and committed in carrying forward. Truth is, I LOVED being married, and in time, I will get married again, and when I do, I will build it with a foundation that will endure any storm and any amount of time.

“If you are reading this and find wisdom in my pain, share it those those young husbands whose hearts are still full of hope, and with those couples you may know who may have forgotten how to love. One of those men may be like I was, and in these hard earned lessons perhaps something will awaken in him and he will learn to be the man his lady has been waiting for.”

The woman that told him ‘I do’, and trusted her life with him, has been waiting for this man to step up. Be the type of husband your wife can’t help but brag about.

If you are reading this and your marriage isn’t what you want it to be, take 100% responsibility for YOUR PART in the marriage, regardless of where your spouse is at, and commit to applying these lessons while there is time.

MEN - THIS IS YOUR CHARGE: Commit to being an EPIC LOVER. There is no greater challenge, and no greater prize. Your woman deserves that from you.

The Deepest Form of pain Comes Out As Silence [Migrated Post]

Counting By 7s by Holly Goldberg Sloan, page 163, 175

Life, I now realize, is just one big trek across a minefield and you never know which step is going to blow you up.

I go outside and sit on the steps.
I’m not waiting.
I’m just being.
Time exists only in the mind.
For someone grieving, moving forward is the challenge. Because after extreme loss, you want to go back.
Maybe that’s why I don’t calculate anything now. I can only count in the negative space.
I’m on a different planet now.
I only speak when I absolutely have to.
Otherwise, I do my best to be invisible and stay out of the way.
No matter how hard they try, other people do not understand because I’m incapable of communication.
And that is why the deepest form of pain comes out as silence.

We All Have A Contract With the Public [Migrated Post]

We all have a contract with the public - in us they see themselves, or what they would like to be. - Clark Gable

As long as you’re keeping an account of yourself that can not just be seen by your own eyes, your job is to relate:

Either you build ships or you be the ship you want to have.

And if you can’t do neither, be sincere. Sincerity is more accountable than a stolen identity.

The Key to Successful Selling [Migrated Post]

Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can’t Stop Talking by Susan Cain, pages 237-240

A lot of people believe that selling requires being a fast talker, or knowing how to use charisma to persuade. Those things do require an extroverted way of communicating. But in sales there’s a truism that ‘we have two ears and one mouth and we should use them proportionately.’ I believe that’s what makes someone really good at selling or consulting - the number-one thing is they’ve got to really listen well. When I look at the top salespeople on my organization, none of those extroverted qualities are the key to their success.

The Perfect Image-Bearer [Migrated Post]

The Secret History of the World by Mark Booth, page 21

To today's most advanced thinkers, academics like Richard Dawkins, the Charles Simony Professor of the Public Understanding of Science at Oxford, and other militant materialists who regulate and maintain the scientific world-view, the mind of God' is no better than the idea of a white-haired old man up above the clouds. It is the same mistake, they say, that children and primitive tribes make when they assume God must be like them - the anthropomorphic fallacy. Even if we allowed that God might conceivably exist, they say, why on earth should 'He' be like us? Why should 'His' mind be in any way like ours? The fact is that they're right. Of course there is no reason at all ... unless it's the other way round. In other words, the only reason why God's mind might be like ours is if ours was made to be like His - that is, if God made us in His image.


The Sacred History by Jonathan Black, page 176

Elijah, the Buddha, Socrates and Apollonius brought spiritual awareness and understanding to the world - the knowledge that we are all interconnected, that we should show compassion to every living thing, that we must play our part in the world's evolving. They all knew on some level what was happening and what had to happen, but it was Jesus Christ who brought the power that made it happen. He had the power to turn history on its hinges. Elijah, Buddha, Pythagoras brought faith and hope, but Jesus Christ brought love.

How to Create Happy Memories [Migrated Post]

I Know How She Does It by Laura Vanderkam, page 127-128

Fortunately, being mindful of your time – making a commitment to be there physically and mentally and enjoy life while doing so – makes memories possible. We control a lot less about our children’s outcomes in life than we think. They are their own people. But one thing parents do shape is whether kids remember their childhoods as happy. Creating a happy home is a conscious choice, as is creating a happy marriage.

Last Thoughts of A Man In Love Before He Goes To Bed [Migrated Post]

Grey by E. L. James, page 529

Lying in my bed, I pray for a dreamless sleep . . . but if I am to dream, I want to dream of her.

A Sin is A Sin [Migrated Post]

Japanese Fairy Tales by Yei Theodora Ozaki, page 50

A gentle reminder on keeping your word from the legend of Urashima Taro~

"The Princess told me when she gave me the box never to open it—that it contained a very precious thing. But now that I have no home, now that I have lost everything that was dear to me here, and my heart grows thin with sadness, at such a time, if I open the box, surely I shall find something that will help me, something that will show me the way back to my beautiful Princess over the sea. There is nothing else for me to do now. Yes, yes, I will open the box and look in!"

And so his heart consented to this act of disobedience, and he tried to persuade himself that he was doing the right thing in breaking his promise.

How to Move Forward And Make Wise Decisions [Migrated Post]

A Wrinkle in Time by Madeleine L’Engle, page 117

Let’s go back.” Calvin started to pull away.
“No,” Charles Wallace said. “I have to go on. We have to make decisions, and we can’t make them if they’re based on fear."

This Goes Out to All You Fellow Chronic Overthinkers Out There. [Migrated Post]

The Art of Thinking Clearly by Rolf Dobelli, page 275-276 

“When do you listen to your head and when do you heed your gut? A rule of thumb might be: if it is something to do with practised activities, such as motor skills, or questions you’ve answered a thousand times, it’s better not to reflect to the last detail. It undermines your intuitive ability to solve problems. The same applies to decisions that our Stone Age ancestors faced – evaluating what was edible, who would make good friends, whom to trust. For such purposes, we have heuristics, mental shortcuts that are clearly superior to rational thought. With complex matters, though, such as investment decisions, sober reflection is indispensable. Evolution has not equipped us for such considerations, so logic trumps intuition.”

The Best Advice You Can Get On Finally Owning Your Dreams And Ambitions [Migrated Post]

What A Girl Wants by Lindsey Kelk, page 235-236

“Life isn’t just about what you want,” I said, shifting on top of my clutch bag. Beading was not comfortable to sit on. “You can’t just do what you want and hope everything will turn out for the best. You’ve got to plan for the future, think ahead. It’s not about what might sound like the most fun now.”

“Wow!” Amy closed her eyes and smiled. “It’s like sitting here listening to your mum.”

All the colour drained from my face and suddenly, I felt very, very sick.

“Can you even hear yourself?” Amy asked. “You’re actually sitting there, telling me that what you want doesn’t matter, what makes you happy doesn’t matter. Is that what you want? Marry Charlie, give up your dreams and slog away day in and day out at the agency so you can turn into a bitter, resentful old cow like your mum?”

“Do I need to go to the restroom again?” Kekipi asked, switching his stare from me to Amy and back again. “Because I didn’t really need to go last time and I’m worried one of the waiters thinks I’m trying to pick him up.”

“No,” Amy threw her arm out in front of him, effectively sticking him to his seat, “you don’t need to do anything. She’s the one who needs to think about what she just said. You don’t know, Nick or Charlie. You can’t decide, agency or photos. You can decide and you do know but you’ve spent so long listening to, and believing, all your mother’s sh*t that you don’t believe it.”

She paused for breath and wine.

“You don’t trust your gut. This is the first time in your entire life you’ve had to make a difficult decision and you’re trying to wimp out of it, but you can’t. If I lived by your logic, I’d be married to Dave and as miserable as sin, maybe even divorced by now. Or worse, I’d be your mum and Brian, sitting around the house, hating each other. Is that what you want? Just be f*cking brave for once in your life.“

I stared across the table at the girl who had been my best friend for as long as I’d been alive.

What A Childlike Faith Can Achieve [Migrated Post]

The E-Myth Enterprise by Michael E. Gerber, page 94 

There is something else about E-Myth Enterprises that endow them with such a tangible difference. And it is that these businesses, these E-Myth Enterprises, are created, not by businesspeople, not by so-called entrepreneurs, but – and there is no other way to say it – by children.

These E-Myth Enterprises are created by the youngest part of us, not the most adult.

They are created by that part of us that believes it has the right to expect the world to change, to give us everything we want, exactly as we imagine it.

Not the methodical part, the dependable part, the reliable part, the responsible part, the grown-up in us all, the part one expects the manager to play.

Not the adult who has learned to limit his or her expectations, but the child who wants it all.

The 3 Types of Men [Migrated Post]

{ Greatness is a state of soul, not certain accomplishments. }
Debi Pearl

Recently I stumbled upon this book extract from a friend. It’s from Debi Pearl’s Created to Be His Help Meet.

When it comes to romantic relationships, I still very much consider myself a traditionalist. While I believe that women, like men, are created with an equally independent streak, I also believe that a committed woman has to adjust to her man and his needs (and vice versa).

I haven’t read the book, and I’m not a married woman yet, but I think it’s wise to get myself prepared for the role I’m going to play in my S.O.’s life.

So this is for you ladies. I’m sure you’re going to recognize every men you’ve met, dated, or secretly pictured yourself dating, as one of these types.

Mr. Command Man

God is dominant — a sovereign and all-powerful God. He is also visionary— omniscient and desirous of carrying out his plans. And, God is steady — the same yesterday, and today, and forever, our faithful High Priest. Most men epitomize one of these three aspects of God. No single man completely expresses the well-rounded image of God.

A few men are born with more than their share of dominance and, on the surface, a deficit in gentleness. They often end up in positions that command other men. We will call them Command Men. They are born leaders. They are often chosen by other men to be military commanders, politicians, preachers, heads of corporations, and managers of businesses. Winston Churchill, George Patton, and Ronald Reagan are examples of dominant men. Since our world needs only a few leaders, God seems to limit the number of these Command Men. These men see life as if they are looking from a high mountain, they see the big picture rather than individual needs.

They are known for expecting their wives to wait on them hand and foot. A Command Man does not want his wife involved in any project that prevents her from serving him. If you are blessed to be married to a strong, forceful, bossy man, as I am, then it is very important for you learn how to make an appeal without challenging his authority. We will discuss how to make an appeal later in this book.

Command Men have less tolerance, so they will often walk off and leave their clamoring wife before she has a chance to realize that she is even close to losing her marriage. By the time she realizes that there is a serious problem, she is already a divorced mother seeking help in how to raise her children alone. A woman can fight until she is blue in the face, yet the Command Man will not yield. Yielding would be against his personhood. He is not as intimate or vulnerable as are other men in sharing hi s personal feelings or vocation with his wife. He seems to be sufficient unto himself. It is awful being shut out. A woman married to a Command Man has to earn her place in his heart by proving that she will stand by her man, faithful, loyal, and obedient. When she has won his confidence, he will treasure her to the extreme.

A King wants a Queen, which is why a man in command wants a faithful wife to share his fame and glory. Without a woman’s admiration, his victories are muted. If a wife learns early to enjoy the benefits of taking the second seat, and if she does not take offense to his headstrong aggressiveness, she will be the one sitting at his right side being adored, because this kind of man will totally adore his woman and exalt her. She will be his closest, and sometimes his only, confidante. Over the years, the Command Man can become more yielding and gentle. His wife will discover secret portals to his heart.

If you are married to a king, honor and reverence is something you must give him on a daily basis if you want him to be a benevolent, honest, strong, and fulfilled man of God. He has the potential to become an amazing leader. Never shame him, and do not belittle him or ignore his accomplishments. Make it your life’s goal to become his queen.

Mr. Visionary

God is a Visionary as seen in his person, the Holy Spirit. He made some men in the image of that part of his nature. Prophets, be they true or false, are usually of this type. Some of you are married to men who are shakers, changers, and dreamers. These men get the entire family upset about peripheral issues, such as: do we believe in Christmas? Should we use state marriage licenses? Should a Christian opt out of the Social Security system? The issues may be serious and worthy of one’s commitment, but, in varying degrees, these men have tunnel vision, tenaciously focusing on single issues. They are often the church splitters and the ones who demand doctrinal purity and proper dress and conduct. Like a prophet, they call people to task for their inconsistencies. If they are not wise, they can be real jerks who push their agendas, forcing others to go their way.

Visionaries are often gifted men or inventors, and I am sure it was men of this caliber that conquered the Wild West, though they would not have been the farmers who settled it. Today, Visionary men are street preachers, political activists, organizers and instigators of any front-line social issue. They love confrontation, and hate the status quo. “Why leave it the way it is when you can change it?” They are the men who keep the rest of the world from getting stagnant or dull. The Visionary is consumed with a need to communicate with his words, music, writing, voice, art, or actions. He is the “voice crying out in the wilderness” striving to change the way humanity is behaving or thinking. Good intentions don’t always keep Visionaries from causing great harm. They can stir up pudding and end up with toxic waste if they are not wise. An unwise wife can add to the poison with negative words, or she can, with simple words of caution, bring attention to the goodness of the pudding and the wisdom in leaving it alone. Every Mr. Visionary needs a good, wise, prudent, stable wife who has a positive outlook on life.

The wife of Mr. Visionary should be just a little bit reckless and blind in one eye if she is going to enjoy the ride. If this is your man, you need to learn two very important things (beyond how to make an appeal). Learn how to be flexible, and learn how to always be loyal to your man. You will be amazed at how much happier you will be and how much fun life can be if you learn to just go with the flow — his flow. Life will become an adventure. You will actually begin to feel sorry for the gals married to the stick-in-the-mud, steady type. And once you get it into your head that your husband does not have to be “right” for you to follow him, you will finally be able to say bye bye to your overwrought parents, even when they are screaming that you are married to a crazy man. People looking on will marvel that you are able to love and appreciate your husband, but you will know better because you will see his greatness.

Greatness is a state of soul, not certain accomplishments. Over time, this type of man will become more practical. If you are a young wife married to a man whom your mama thinks is totally crazy — then you may be married to Mr. Visionary. Right now, purpose in your heart to be loyal to him, and to be flexible; then, let your dreamer dream. Lean back and enjoy the ride; it should prove interesting. Visionary Man will talk and talk and talk to his honey if she approves of him. He will be subjective, thinking about feelings, moods, and spiritual insights. One of his greatest needs will be for his wife to think objectively (proven truth) and use common sense, which will help keep his feet from flying too far from solid ground. He spends his life looking through a telescope or microscope, and he will be stunned that what he sees (or thinks he sees), others do not seem to notice or care about.

Mr. Steady

God is as steady as an eternal rock, caring, providing, and faithful, like a priest like Jesus Christ. He created many men in that image. We will call him Mr. Steady — “in the middle, not given to extremes.” The Steady Man does not make snap decisions or spend his last dime on a new idea, and he doesn’t try to tell other people what to do. He avoids controversy.

Being married to a Steady Man has its rewards and its trials. On the good side, your husband never puts undue pressure on you to perform miracles. He doesn’t expect you to be his servant. You do not spend your days putting out emotional fires, because he doesn’t create tension in the family. You rarely feel hurried, pushed, pressured, or forced. The women married to Visionary Men look at you in wonder that your husband seems so balanced and stable. The wife of Command Man marvels at the free time you seem to have. If your dad happened to be a Steady Man, then chances are you will appreciate your husband’s down-to-earth, practical life for the wonderful treasure it is.

When you are married to a man who is steady and cautious, and you have a bit of the impatient romantic in you, you may not see his worth and readily honor him. You may be discontent because he is slow and cautious to take authority or make quick decisions. A bossy woman sees her husband’s lack of hasty judgment and calls her Steady husband “wishy-washy.” His steadiness makes him the last to change, so he seems to be a follower because he is seldom out front forming up the troops. There is no exciting rush in him, just a slow, steady climb with no bells or whistles. You wish he would just make up his mind, and that he would take a stand in the church. He seems to just let people use him. There are times you wish he would boldly tell you what to do so you would not have to carry all the burden of decision-making.

Some women equate their husband’s wise caution and lack of open passion as being unspiritual. His lack of spontaneity and open boldness may look like indifference to spiritual things. However, he is like deep, deep water. The very depth makes the movement almost imperceptible, but it is, nevertheless, very strong. He will be confused with your unhappiness and try to serve you more, which may further diminish your respect for his masculinity. Disappointment and unthankfulness can make you wearier than any amount of duties. His very steadiness keeps him on his middle-of-the-road course, and it will drive a controlling woman crazy. This is why many disgruntled ladies married to Mr. Steadys fall victim to hormonal imbalance, physical illness, or emotional problems.

Know Your Man

Wives are very much flesh and blood, and as young women, we don’t come to marriage with all the skills needed to make it start out good, let alone perfect. When you come to know your man for whom God created him to be, you will stop trying to change him into what you think he should be.

The key is to know your man. If he is Mr. Steady, you need to learn to be thankful and to honor him as the one created for you in the image of God. Your husband’s gentleness is not a weakness; it is his strength. Your husband’s hesitation is not indecision; it is cautious wisdom. Your husband’s lack of deep spiritual conversation is not a lack of caring; it is simply the cap on a mountain of intense emotions.

If this describes your man, you need to learn how to stand still and listen; then let God move your husband in his own good time. Ask God for wisdom and patience. Seek to always have a gentle spirit. Stop expecting him to perform for you, to pray with the family, to speak out in witnessing, or to take a bold stand at church. Stop trying to stir him up to anger toward the children in order to get him to feel as though he understands how badly you are being treated. Let him be the one God made him to be: a still, quiet, thoughtful presence — for you!

A Steady Man likes a woman to walk beside him, yet grow in her own right before God and him. He needs a resourceful, hardworking woman with dignity and honor. It is important to Mr. Steady that his wife is able to be self-sufficient in all the mundane tasks of daily living. These men can be some of the most important men in the church, because their steadfastness is sure, and their loyalty is strong. They make wise, well-thought-out decisions.

Typically, Steady Men do not become as well known as Command or Visionary Men. They are not odd or stand-out men. They are not loud. They are neither irritating nor particularly magnificent. Women and men alike envy and desire a Command Man. People are often drawn and compelled by the Visionary. But the Steady Man is taken for granted. Much of this book has been written to help young wives learn to honor, obey, and appreciate the Steady Man just as he is.

Mr. Steady will enjoy the company of others and be most comfortable spending time in small talk with whoever is around. Of the three types, he is the one that will be most liked by everyone. Mr. Steady is always in demand. He belongs to people. He does not focus on the eternal picture like Mr. Command, nor is he looking through a microscope as Mr. Visionary, but he does respect both views as important. His vision is as a man seeing life just as it is. He can shift his sights to the sky and know there is more up there than he can see, and he wonders about it. Or, he can stare into a muddy pond and appreciate that there is a whole world in there that he knows nothing about. In most of life, he is a bridge between the other two types of men. He is a very necessary expression of God’s image. Of the three different kinds of men, it is more important that Mr. Steady have a help meet who likes him just as he is.

So which one of these godly types sounds most like your man? More importantly, are you ready to be his help mate? (I know I don’t. At least not yet :p)



Love, Stace