The Thing With Social Media Is ...

{ Don't say it like it is. Say it like how it can be. } . . . This is a resolution i made around this time of last year. My brother taught me that great people are normal people that don't let others come to them without leaving feeling better than before. Of course my main motivation is to be one of those great people, but God emphasized a more important point: as iron sharpens iron, so one person sharpens another. . Little did i know that He was preparing me to become a parent. . As humans we have the power to create change through either hate or love. Though i'm far from achieving the goal to see everything and everyone from the loving standpoint, this year has taken a lot out of me to work out the negatives. . I still fail a lot at withholding destructive communication through my words and actions, even if my intents are earnest. But i'm grateful He is still changing who i am in a positive light, so that my family can only see the best of Christ. _ #blankstacewords

A post shared by Stace, Not Stacie (@blankstace) on Sep 12, 2017 at 10:38am PDT

In real life, I'm not comfortable being open with new people. Everyone around me knows that.

But my social media accounts are public for a reason.

A while ago, I revealed through the above post on Instagram that I made this year-long resolution to be aware of the energy that I give at every interaction I make - whether it's a positive or a negative one, whether I'm making peace or starting a war. Unfortunately, I'm wired to think negatively - it's a huge part of why I'm really private about my personal life. Ever since that day though, when my bro made me realize that it's possible to always leave others feeling more uplifted than when they came to you, it really hit home. I decided to change.

It's been a little over a year that I made that resolution, and so many things have changed - my attitude, my outlook on life, my relationship with God and especially my relationships with others. I mean, I fell off the wagon more often than not, but at least on social media, where you have the luxury to think through dozens of times before you post something (as opposed to real-time interactions where you sometimes react immediately and forget to give yourself time to think things through first), I'm fairly proud of myself for staying positive.

It's a cliche to say that you can always find something positive in everything. Disasters happen and evil is always around. It doesn't work that way. Throughout my year-long experience, I've learned that what we think don't always align with how we feel. You can't just lie to yourself and hope it will magically change how you feel. On the other hand, the logical thing to say is, nobody wants to feel bad, to listen to nags and whining and complaints all day, and so only say something nice. But that's not it either. You don't want to sugarcoat stuff or tell white lies just to make others feel better with a poker face. For me, working through the negative things in my head has taken constant prayers, will and determination, and utmost humility in order to work through the labyrinth and out into the light, specifically the humble attitude to ask for wisdom. Because here's the thing: I couldn't have done it all by myself. Jesus is my source.

Of wise counsel, of strength, endurance, empathy, and even the motivation to change in the first place.

So far this has been a long, private journey. But with that Instagram post, it's become public. Along the same line, maintaining a public account on social media is that it's motivated a part of me to be more relatable in general. But the thing with social media is, even more so than real-life, with relatability comes disclosure (...naturally), and with disclosure comes nosiness (exponentially!).

I mean, look, if I want to say it like it is, it'd just be OHH I HATE KAYPOH PEOPLE GOT NOTHING TO DO MEH *with a thick Singlish accent toward the end*? With this blog post, I want to make my peace with social media in particular, and how you cannot escape the fact you're allowing yourself to be vulnerable in that every snippet of yourself you put online is subjected to everything from idle talk to criticism. Believe me, I have a ratio of 1000:1 negative thoughts to positive right now when it comes to people having nothing to do but talk about other people's personal affairs, as they exist both on the Internet and in real life.  As much as I want to wallow in the thousand, right now I'm choosing to deliver the positive one instead: Light only shines brighter in the presence of even greater darkness. It's the very law of nature when it comes to exposure. The only difference is that you are a creature of both nature and nurture. The authority to allow your light to shine brighter or let the darkness dim it is on you.

And what with my year, I know I couldn't have done it without allowing God doing some serious work in me.

... It Can Be This.

While social media may be a playground for busybodies to gossip around and entertain themselves with idle talk, it is also your opportunity to shed light on your passions and start something positive to talk about. Even as you're learning to change, others will still say you're ignorant, or accuse you of being fake, or even start some rumor that doesn't have any basis other than their infinite-scroll perception of your feed. As a matter of fact, expect these things to happen. You're open to view for everyone after all. Out in the stormy sea, so you're bound to get hit by thunder from every side.

All this time, my not-so-secret secret is keeping my eyes on Jesus.

And remember ... with the luxury of the online world, you can still think deliberately on what to say (and how to say it), what not to say, and what you don't have to say.

So far, it's going great for me, and if I can do it I believe anyone can do it too.

{ But Jesus spoke to them at once. “Don’t be afraid,” he said. “Take courage. I am here!” Then Peter called to him, “Lord, if it’s really you, tell me to come to you, walking on the water.” “Yes, come,” Jesus said. So Peter went over the side of the boat and walked on the water toward Jesus. But when he saw the strong wind and the waves, he was terrified and began to sink. “Save me, Lord!” he shouted. Jesus immediately reached out and grabbed him. “You have so little faith,”Jesus said. “Why did you doubt me?” Matthew 14:27-31 NLT }

Review: "One of Us is Lying" by Karen M. McManus

A post shared by Stace, Not Stacie (@blankstace) on Aug 30, 2017 at 1:35am PDT

This book is a blend between The Breakfast Club and Pretty Little Liars, so it's no surprise that E! is developing a TV series out of Karen M. McManus' "One of Us is Lying." I can totally imagine a successful series based on the simple preamble that a central figure remains unknown until the very end, making the whole thing a perfect binge for viewers like how it turned out for Gossip Girl.

For this one, five high school students walk into detention but only four made it out alive. There's the overachiever Bronwyn; homecoming princess Addy; Nate the motorbike-riding bad boy; Cooper the all-star jock; and Simon the outcast, who's also the creator of Bayview High's infamous gossip app. While they never really knew each other, they all had one thing in common: They all have something to hide. By the end of detention, Simon was dead, and investigators concluded this is a murder case with the four other students identified as prime suspects. Turns out Simon had planned to post juicy reveals about each of them the day after he died - so who is the one willing to kill to protect their secrets?

I have to applaud McManus for developing these well-worn high school stereotypes into something actually worth reading. The most fun part about this book was watching each of these characters break out of their social trappings and transform into someone original. The author added so many layers of depth to the four cliches with the help of relevant supporting characters and through having them narrate alternating chapters to advance the plot. From cliquish to individuals you care about - you can admire the evolution of each character from when they started out having separate lives and slowly integrating each other into one another's narrative. The character I disliked most at the beginning, Addy, ended up becoming my favorite second to bad-boy Nate, who I thought had the most integrity of them all. We'll get into Nate in a minute.

Halfway through the book, Addy was surprised by how good she feels when she finally stopped waiting for controlling ex-boyfriend Jake to "tell me again I'm not good enough." She thought she'd fall back into submitting to the pain of rejection, "but I didn't, and I don't. For the first time in a long time, I feel free." I was so happy for her at this point, because everyone has that one person who hurts you by constantly telling you you're not good enough, and you get so addicted to the hurt that feeling perpetually trapped becomes your comfort zone. You never dared yourself to do or say or be anything otherwise.

And then there's Nate, who was sincerely bothered when nobody stood up because everybody else hated Cooper for the wrong reasons. Even when Nate was the obvious outlier of the four, with existing criminal records and all, I would argue he had the clearest conscience of the bunch. It was as if he was a reluctant bad boy, just that he'd grew up hardened by a difficult family, with nothing else to hope for except making it through school and day after day through the fastest and easiest thing to sell (drugs). This part Nate said were my exact thoughts about 1/3 of the book: "I like all of them more than I thought I would. Bronwyn's obviously been the biggest surprise, and like doesn't cover it. But Addy's turned into kind of a badass, and Cooper's not as one-dimensional as I thought."

I always thought excellent character development trumps every other factor in assessing works of fiction, and this book is a fitting example of that. As for the writing, McManus was succinct yet eloquent, a pleasant surprise for a debut author. Despite so, the long and steady buildup of the plot, which ultimately helped readers learn so deeply about the characters, made the last chapters feel rushed. Secrets that point toward the killer (though it's already super obvious for me from the beginning) can be interspersed more evenly throughout the book. It's quite a shame to develop such lovable characters toward the end, ones that readers have grown to care about, but spend so little time on them.