The People You Keep And Don't [Migrated Post]

I didn’t used to be this picky when it comes to friends. I’m now hyperaware of how much this person knows me and how much that person doesn’t know what. I’d gauge whether a new person would understand (or at least be willing to understand) for a very long time. In some cases, years … before I finally open up - or not.

Because it’s not good to be who you’re not. I was always more reserved anyway.

There were episodes in my life where I pushed myself to be friendly and open to everyone. To “exist” at least within my circle. They always lasted for a time, and then I would burn out and recede for a longer time than I did “exist”. And everyone would ask why I’m so weird, so anti-social, so emo and then go thinking that for some inexplicable reason, I never wanted to have anything to do with them again. They would reflect, think only as far as their logic would take them, conclude that they’ve done nothing wrong, immediately put the blame on me and then secretly closed the case forever. That would mean when they see me in public, they’d pretend they’ve never known me.

I mean, they never did but, you get what I mean.

Each time these “hello-i-exist-k-thx-bye” episodes end, reality strikes back, that I have no real friends I could actually count on, and that when I no longer exist, no one would really care. It would just be a millisecond’s *POOF!* and then the world will be done with my nonsense.

Except now … Life is getting less and less burdensome. A lot of it has been lifted by my Savior. He died instead of me. I still cannot fathom the reality of it. That without having me to meet people and push myself to be “out in the open” with all my energy again, there are surprisingly many people who show their faces in my life by chance … and voluntarily stick by choice. Just the fact that they would take the risk to get close to the embodiment of disappointment … it’s unbelievable. A few heads I can count. Not many in the traditional sense, but I consider more than 2 being a lot.

You can have as many Facebook friends as you want, but if you can name the people you can call when you’re dying and know you’re not burdening them in any way, shape, or form, you are truly blessed.

History vs Today

My history with relationships has conditioned me to forget friendships and rest the case with the fact that people are people - in the end, you can only depend on yourself. Especially in this day and age, nobody’s really looking out for you and perpetually only thinking WIIFM in any kind of relationship. Most are quick to judge, label your difference, choose to gossip, form opinions, and spread weird theories about you even when they’ve never really questioned themselves whether they really know you, or even question their understanding of themselves. The quickest and easiest way to get people to like you is to be genuinely interested in listening to their story. But, if you don’t reciprocate the openness, some people would just be quick to say there’s something wrong with you. What they don’t realize is that the only person who’s been talking all along is them.

It’s different now. I wasn’t this conscious in choosing people. It’s been a tough journey because placing total trust in myself also tend to backfire - that’s a whole ‘nother story. But at least I know now for sure that there are heads I can depend my life on. I’m not alone.

We All Have A Contract With the Public [Migrated Post]

We all have a contract with the public - in us they see themselves, or what they would like to be. - Clark Gable

As long as you’re keeping an account of yourself that can not just be seen by your own eyes, your job is to relate:

Either you build ships or you be the ship you want to have.

And if you can’t do neither, be sincere. Sincerity is more accountable than a stolen identity.

If You Are Sincerely Seeking My Company ... Please Don't Judge Me. [Migrated Post]

If I know the person who’s reading this blog is decidedly nonjudgmental and cared enough to sift through my every word, stripped of his/her layers of pretension and pride we’re so used to putting on,  this would’ve been the meeting point where we find common grounds, enjoy our time, and leave the rest of the world behind.

It’s positive.

I want positive vibes, because I’m scared of people complaining, “Why do you have to be so negative all the time?”

Each time I have to have a human interaction, I have to summon up this courage and confidence I never have, to be perfect first, this mask, so that others can live in harmony and leave me alone.

But that’s the thing. You can’t be left alone if it’s authentic positivity.

The moment someone gets close to me, I immediately hold my guards up just in case I get disappointed once they find something they don’t like, or just something different for them to judge about. And this air of negativity stems from the deep-cut memories I’ve shared with my family. My family is my whole world, they don’t know just how much all of them, together, means to me. I love them so much I fantasized so many times about never being born just so I wouldn’t have to go through all this pain and suffering. It’s clear that they love me the most as I’m the youngest and the only daughter of the bunch, but how can they say they love me if they act the way they’ve always acted with each other?

How can I reach out to the world when I don’t have the love of my life together, safe and securely fastened?

What's In It For Me? [Migrated Post]

When I just got married to my husband, I remember resting my head on his shoulder, asking him this one question: “Can we stay like this forever and not have to care about the world?”

“Of course not, babe,” he replied gently. Silly me. But isn’t that what most people think of marriage, that you go on spending the rest of your lives in a tiny secluded island, start living your little happily-ever-afters and leaving behind all the care in the world? “As long as we’re here on earth, we have to attend to it, with other people, living and breathing among them.”

Truth is, I went into marriage fully believing that we’re not meant to be happy. Instead, we’re meant to be holy. And by holy I mean becoming better people who loves choosing to do what’s right more than anything else - even more than we love each other, even more than we love ourselves.

But choosing to do what’s wrong is often what we end up doing. Quick, convenient, risk-free, must get happy NOW and utterly egocentric. Sans deliberation, sans elaboration, sans precision of thought.

For so long, this world has conditioned us to think we deserve to be served rather than serving others. That we can make a god of ourselves through technology. Big, lofty ideas to make yourself look big, when all you’re doing is fooling yourself. Even if you choose the latter, i.e. to serve, your natural reaction is “What’s in it for me?” (WIIFM)

Problems accumulate from there. The seed of separation is the fatal WIIFM. And I’m scared if one day our arguments can heat up so much that it tears us into two again. Two separate units, two estranged entities, two spare parts that can no longer function unless they rewire themselves into one thing again; something - anything.

The Key to Successful Selling [Migrated Post]

Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can’t Stop Talking by Susan Cain, pages 237-240

A lot of people believe that selling requires being a fast talker, or knowing how to use charisma to persuade. Those things do require an extroverted way of communicating. But in sales there’s a truism that ‘we have two ears and one mouth and we should use them proportionately.’ I believe that’s what makes someone really good at selling or consulting - the number-one thing is they’ve got to really listen well. When I look at the top salespeople on my organization, none of those extroverted qualities are the key to their success.