Reality Means Being Visible; Being Seen And Being Heard

View this post on Instagram

As a full-time mom, I value my reading addiction because it keeps me sane. I mainly read to escape, so it’s important that i feed on paperbacks. . Ever since I changed into a toddler bed and went cold turkey with the pacifier, she’s been fighting off naps. What’s worse, the more exhausted she is, the less likely she naps. It’s been affecting her health and general behavior. She hasn’t been regulating her emotions as well as she used to. . So me and the husband discussed about it. “What can she safely consume to induce sleep?” He raised. Chamomile tea was on top of my list. I grabbed one blended with lemongrass by @ahmadtea from the grocery shelf, and it saved my sanity. . She has been napping for the last 5 days consecutively, and mommy finally gets her reading time. . Reading protects my sanity. Why do you read? . . . . #booksandtea

A post shared by The Bookstore (@blankstacebookstore) on Feb 27, 2020 at 2:16am PST

from The Woman in the Window by A. J. Finn, page 84

I think of my hard drive, swollen with stolen images. I think of Jane Russell as she looked at me, unblinking, across the park. I'm not invisible. I'm not dead. I'm alive, and on display, and ashamed.

I think of Dr. Bulov in Spellbound: "My dear girl, you cannot keep bumping your head against reality and saying it is not there."

Why You Should Write Down Your Ideas

Dark Matter by Blake Crouch, page 186

Amanda glances up from the notebook, asks, "You're sure writing it down is the best way to go?"

"When you write something, you focus your full attention on it. It's almost impossible to write one thing while thinking about another. The act of putting it on paper keeps your thoughts and intentions aligned."

"The Keys to Life Are Running And Reading." - Will Smith

The key to life is running and reading.

Why running? When you’re running, there’s a little person that talks to you and says, ‘Oh I’m tired. My lungs’ about to pop. I’m so hurt. I’m so tired. There’s no way I can possibly continue.’ You want to quit. If you learn how to defeat that person when you’re running. You will learn how to not quit when things get hard in your life. Running! The first key to life.

Reading. The reason that reading is so important, there have been millions and billions and gazillions of people that have lived before all of us. There’s no new problem you could have, with your parents, with school, with a bully, with anything. There’s no problem that you could have that someone hasn’t already solved and wrote about it in a book.

So the keys to life are running and reading.

The Most Intimate Way to Spend Time With the One You Love [Migrated Post]

The World According to Anna by Jostein Gaarder, pages 181-182

She is sitting in a spaceship with the Arab boy. They have won an international award recognizing their efforts on the planet’s behalf. The prize is twelve orbits of the earth.

There are just the two of them in the tiny cabin. They don’t need to worry about anything technical: the shuttle is steered and controlled by computers; all they have to do is sit back and enjoy the trip. 

They look down on their planet. Both of them have seen photos from the Apollo mission more than a hundred years ago. The globe is unrecognizable now. It is much more obscured by clouds and storms. This tallies with their experience on the ground. The planet that looked like a bluish-green marble now has more in common with a colorless ball of wool.

Despite all the clouds, it is still a spectacular feeling to be in space, and they can still glimpse some green, brown, and blue patches between the cloud systems. That’s Africa, and there’s India, China and Japan . . .

What surprises her most is the silence. All she can hear is her friend’s breathing. She thinks she can also hear his heart beating. Or is it hers?

The boy is looking at her and smiling. “You’re so beautiful,” he says. She is embarrassed and turns away towards their planet. She looks at the world which created her and wishes she could change the subject by saying that she comes from a beautiful planet. It was beautiful, once.

No one on Earth can see them now. They are completely left to their own devices, and to each other. Being in a little spaceship is perhaps the most intimate way to spend time with someone you love, she thinks.

Up here in space, day and night last only a couple of hours. But they have seen twelve sunsets and twelve sunrises, and above the clouds the sky is always blue.

The Deepest Form of pain Comes Out As Silence [Migrated Post]

Counting By 7s by Holly Goldberg Sloan, page 163, 175

Life, I now realize, is just one big trek across a minefield and you never know which step is going to blow you up.

I go outside and sit on the steps.
I’m not waiting.
I’m just being.
Time exists only in the mind.
For someone grieving, moving forward is the challenge. Because after extreme loss, you want to go back.
Maybe that’s why I don’t calculate anything now. I can only count in the negative space.
I’m on a different planet now.
I only speak when I absolutely have to.
Otherwise, I do my best to be invisible and stay out of the way.
No matter how hard they try, other people do not understand because I’m incapable of communication.
And that is why the deepest form of pain comes out as silence.

The Key to Successful Selling [Migrated Post]

Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can’t Stop Talking by Susan Cain, pages 237-240

A lot of people believe that selling requires being a fast talker, or knowing how to use charisma to persuade. Those things do require an extroverted way of communicating. But in sales there’s a truism that ‘we have two ears and one mouth and we should use them proportionately.’ I believe that’s what makes someone really good at selling or consulting - the number-one thing is they’ve got to really listen well. When I look at the top salespeople on my organization, none of those extroverted qualities are the key to their success.

These 2 YA Books Have Me Completely Immersed [Migrated Post]

For a bookworm, it may come as a surprise to you that I haven't jumped on the YA bandwagon. The last time I read a YA book and/or YA book series was in high school. Yes, it's been that long and yes, it was the Harry Potter series. There are so many of them these days that have been adapted into major movies. Think Nick & Norah's Infinite Playlist, The Perks of Being a Wallflower, The Giver, The Hunger Games series, The Book Thief, and John Green's books.

But for some reason, I've just never picked one up ... until recently.

These are the two voices that had me fully infused into their worlds right now:

 

13 Ways of Looking at a Fat Girl by Mona Awad

Why the impulse buy: The Penguin logo on the cover and how strikingly honest the title is.

When it was released: February 23, 2016

What's it about: Growing up in this image-obsessed culture, each chapter follows a small-town girl who struggles to conform and never came to be, progressively identifying herself with nothing but her large curves.

How I enjoyed it so far: I've read halfway through the book in one sitting on the night I bought it. I'm surprised it's the author's debut - it's only a 224-page paperback, but covers every common theme all women and all girls (and I mean ALL - large, small, normal, not normal, extraordinary) will find super relatable: focus on appearances, pressure to look good, dealing with double standards, toxic friendships, abusive relationships, identity crisis, and more. The best part? Our main girl Lizzie tells it all in a voice you'll find so familiar, you almost thought it's your own at least a hundred times. The only thing I recommend you not doing is to read the critic's reviews - you won't find the book as hilarious as they say. I mean, it is in a few paragraphs here and there, but at large, it's the sad kind of funny you know oh-so-well.

Paired with: 2015 Raw Pu-erh tea, 6th-9th infusions

A little excerpt: (pages 6-7)

"People call Mel a slut at our school too. Because of what she wears on days when we don't wear our uniforms, but also because of what she wears on regular days, which is nylon thigh highs instead of the itchy wool tights we're supposed to wear. And she rolls her kilt all the way up so you can see where the thigh highs end. My mother thinks this is why people call Mel a slut. But I don't think so. Not to sound like an old woman, but you should see girls these days. Some girls roll their kilts all the way up to their crotches. I wear mine down to my knees, but sometimes I'll roll it up just a little on the way to school. But then it always rolls back down by itself. It's fine. Later on I'm going to be really f**king beautiful. I'm going to grow into that nose and develop an eating disorder. I'll be hungry and angry all my life but I'll also have a hell of a time."

Counting By 7s by Holly Goldberg Sloan

Why the impulse by: The New York Times Bestseller label on the cover and mainly, the one-page intro that had be grabbing the book the second I've reached its last word:

Nobody's perfect.

I was taken to see an educational consultant that autumn and the woman did an evaluation. She sent my parents a letter.
I read it.
It said I was "highly gifted."
Are people "lowly gifted?"
Or "medium gifted?"
Or just "gifted"? It's because that all labels are curses. Unless they are on cleaning products.
Because in my opinion, it's not really a great idea to see people as one thing.
Every person has lots of ingredients to make them into what is always a one-of-a-kind creation.
We are all imperfect genetic stews. According to the consultant, Mrs. Grace V. Mirman, the challenge for the parents of someone "highly gifted" was to find ways to keep the child engaged and stimulated.
But I think she was wrong.
Almost everything interests me.

When it was released: September 16, 2014

What's it about: A gifted child's coming-of-age story who coped through the loss of her loving, adoptive parents.

How I enjoyed it so far: This was more of a children's book than it is a young-adult's. Nevertheless, it's another voice I can so relate with just by glancing over my in-depth, nobody-would-read-them-all-but-I'll-just-insert-this-research-and-that-research-to-back-up-this-claim Ingredients 101 section. Also written in first person, you fellow solitary weirdos would find Willow Chance cool. Deep down you know you're intelligent gifted, but the whole world thinks you're weird, so you identify those who decidedly conform as the "normalized". She's brave that way. And later becomes equally above-average in maturity and strength in how she eventually not just think about her own hobbies and interests, but also in the ways she consider other people's emotions like no other 12-year-old girls would.

Paired with: Oolong tea - Tieguanyin

Excerpt: I think I've given more than enough excerpt of the book (what with the whole intro), haven't I? :p But here's one of my favorite monologues of Willow from page 355:

"I am worried about Quang-ha. I know that he has lots of homework this week. I hope that he at least attempts to do some of it. And then there is Dell. Will he go back to putting things in closets? Will he return to staring out the window and waiting for his life to begin? Will Pattie keep working so hard? I know for a fact that those fumes from the nail polish are bad for her. I realize now that I'm worrying about all of them. It's better than worrying about myself. This is one of the secrets that I have learned in the last few months. When you care about other people, it takes the spotlight off your own drama."

What about you? Are you already a YA convert? If you got any recommendation, please do share.



Love, Stace

The Perfect Image-Bearer [Migrated Post]

The Secret History of the World by Mark Booth, page 21

To today's most advanced thinkers, academics like Richard Dawkins, the Charles Simony Professor of the Public Understanding of Science at Oxford, and other militant materialists who regulate and maintain the scientific world-view, the mind of God' is no better than the idea of a white-haired old man up above the clouds. It is the same mistake, they say, that children and primitive tribes make when they assume God must be like them - the anthropomorphic fallacy. Even if we allowed that God might conceivably exist, they say, why on earth should 'He' be like us? Why should 'His' mind be in any way like ours? The fact is that they're right. Of course there is no reason at all ... unless it's the other way round. In other words, the only reason why God's mind might be like ours is if ours was made to be like His - that is, if God made us in His image.


The Sacred History by Jonathan Black, page 176

Elijah, the Buddha, Socrates and Apollonius brought spiritual awareness and understanding to the world - the knowledge that we are all interconnected, that we should show compassion to every living thing, that we must play our part in the world's evolving. They all knew on some level what was happening and what had to happen, but it was Jesus Christ who brought the power that made it happen. He had the power to turn history on its hinges. Elijah, Buddha, Pythagoras brought faith and hope, but Jesus Christ brought love.

How to Create Happy Memories [Migrated Post]

I Know How She Does It by Laura Vanderkam, page 127-128

Fortunately, being mindful of your time – making a commitment to be there physically and mentally and enjoy life while doing so – makes memories possible. We control a lot less about our children’s outcomes in life than we think. They are their own people. But one thing parents do shape is whether kids remember their childhoods as happy. Creating a happy home is a conscious choice, as is creating a happy marriage.

Last Thoughts of A Man In Love Before He Goes To Bed [Migrated Post]

Grey by E. L. James, page 529

Lying in my bed, I pray for a dreamless sleep . . . but if I am to dream, I want to dream of her.

A Sin is A Sin [Migrated Post]

Japanese Fairy Tales by Yei Theodora Ozaki, page 50

A gentle reminder on keeping your word from the legend of Urashima Taro~

"The Princess told me when she gave me the box never to open it—that it contained a very precious thing. But now that I have no home, now that I have lost everything that was dear to me here, and my heart grows thin with sadness, at such a time, if I open the box, surely I shall find something that will help me, something that will show me the way back to my beautiful Princess over the sea. There is nothing else for me to do now. Yes, yes, I will open the box and look in!"

And so his heart consented to this act of disobedience, and he tried to persuade himself that he was doing the right thing in breaking his promise.

How to Move Forward And Make Wise Decisions [Migrated Post]

A Wrinkle in Time by Madeleine L’Engle, page 117

Let’s go back.” Calvin started to pull away.
“No,” Charles Wallace said. “I have to go on. We have to make decisions, and we can’t make them if they’re based on fear."

This Goes Out to All You Fellow Chronic Overthinkers Out There. [Migrated Post]

The Art of Thinking Clearly by Rolf Dobelli, page 275-276 

“When do you listen to your head and when do you heed your gut? A rule of thumb might be: if it is something to do with practised activities, such as motor skills, or questions you’ve answered a thousand times, it’s better not to reflect to the last detail. It undermines your intuitive ability to solve problems. The same applies to decisions that our Stone Age ancestors faced – evaluating what was edible, who would make good friends, whom to trust. For such purposes, we have heuristics, mental shortcuts that are clearly superior to rational thought. With complex matters, though, such as investment decisions, sober reflection is indispensable. Evolution has not equipped us for such considerations, so logic trumps intuition.”

The Best Advice You Can Get On Finally Owning Your Dreams And Ambitions [Migrated Post]

What A Girl Wants by Lindsey Kelk, page 235-236

“Life isn’t just about what you want,” I said, shifting on top of my clutch bag. Beading was not comfortable to sit on. “You can’t just do what you want and hope everything will turn out for the best. You’ve got to plan for the future, think ahead. It’s not about what might sound like the most fun now.”

“Wow!” Amy closed her eyes and smiled. “It’s like sitting here listening to your mum.”

All the colour drained from my face and suddenly, I felt very, very sick.

“Can you even hear yourself?” Amy asked. “You’re actually sitting there, telling me that what you want doesn’t matter, what makes you happy doesn’t matter. Is that what you want? Marry Charlie, give up your dreams and slog away day in and day out at the agency so you can turn into a bitter, resentful old cow like your mum?”

“Do I need to go to the restroom again?” Kekipi asked, switching his stare from me to Amy and back again. “Because I didn’t really need to go last time and I’m worried one of the waiters thinks I’m trying to pick him up.”

“No,” Amy threw her arm out in front of him, effectively sticking him to his seat, “you don’t need to do anything. She’s the one who needs to think about what she just said. You don’t know, Nick or Charlie. You can’t decide, agency or photos. You can decide and you do know but you’ve spent so long listening to, and believing, all your mother’s sh*t that you don’t believe it.”

She paused for breath and wine.

“You don’t trust your gut. This is the first time in your entire life you’ve had to make a difficult decision and you’re trying to wimp out of it, but you can’t. If I lived by your logic, I’d be married to Dave and as miserable as sin, maybe even divorced by now. Or worse, I’d be your mum and Brian, sitting around the house, hating each other. Is that what you want? Just be f*cking brave for once in your life.“

I stared across the table at the girl who had been my best friend for as long as I’d been alive.

What A Childlike Faith Can Achieve [Migrated Post]

The E-Myth Enterprise by Michael E. Gerber, page 94 

There is something else about E-Myth Enterprises that endow them with such a tangible difference. And it is that these businesses, these E-Myth Enterprises, are created, not by businesspeople, not by so-called entrepreneurs, but – and there is no other way to say it – by children.

These E-Myth Enterprises are created by the youngest part of us, not the most adult.

They are created by that part of us that believes it has the right to expect the world to change, to give us everything we want, exactly as we imagine it.

Not the methodical part, the dependable part, the reliable part, the responsible part, the grown-up in us all, the part one expects the manager to play.

Not the adult who has learned to limit his or her expectations, but the child who wants it all.

The Road to Success [Migrated Post]

We all know that there is no one-way road to achieving success. Even if there is such an established, perfectly-constructed system, no one has ever succeeded, not even those who have achieved success, in clearly showing others how to get there, though Varun Chablani has made a close call in the clever illustration below.

If we only take a closer look, you’ll find that the successful person just decides to succeed.

Success Story

The successful person is the first and the last to know nothing but to catch the one train in time to get himself toward Success.

Looking at the illustration, the successful person starts his humble beginnings at Opportunity and go straight to the railroad station before he misses his train, disregarding the appeals of Bohemianism (draft beers) or the endless spin of Conceit (self-engagement). Once on board under the Right System, the successful person takes no second glance at Hotel Know It All, an imprisonment appealingly masked as knowledge, because he has admitted himself to knowing nothing but catching his train.

Only by withholding his good habits and virtues could the successful person bypass Bad Habits and Vices in order to get into the promised land of the System, wherein the biggest and the only hurdle before success is overcoming the Lack of Preparation tunnel, a dark path where the successful person has chosen to learn True Knowledge and gain wisdom.

Once the successful person saw the light at the end of the tunnel, he becomes successful by autopilot: His train follows his soul beyond the Gate of Ideals across the straight, unobstructive path toward Success, while those who have never gotten onboard in the train could only get to Weak Morals at best, unless they finally choose to make the wise decision to succeed.

Then again, we all know that there are far too many successful people who have been welcomed into the promised land, gained wisdom, and practiced morality without getting onboard in their trains, right? Those who get back on their feet after falling into Failure have found the harder road toward Success by their own ideals.

The Public Secret

I’m currently reading the dean of personal development’s spoken word 1956 record The Strangest Secret, which has sold Earl Nightingale over 1 million copies worldwide even during his time.

Inspired by Napoleon Hill’s 1937 opus Think And Grow Rich, Nightingale wrote the book in honor of history’s most prominent successful persons, their succeeding contributions, and the strangest, yet most remarkable secret of all time, which has preceded these successes in the past as well as the extensive successes achieved today: We become what we think about.

This secret is synonymous with the message written on some of the best-selling self-help books in the industry today, namely Rhonda Byrne’s The Secret and the Hicks’ Ask And It Is Given.

Nonetheless, in Nightingale’s own words, success is defined by “the progressive realization of a worthy ideal.” By this definition, he has devoted a whole chapter to explore the intrinsic value of success, which I think is convincing because let’s face it – success feels better achieved by effort than when it is given.

This chapter is, arguably, a quotation-filled minefield that reflects how we often corrupt the very power of human thought in our lives by thinking in negative terms. Take a look at these clips:

A man’s life is what his thoughts make of it. Marcus Aurelius

A man is what he thinks about all day long. Ralph Waldo Emerson

The greatest discovery of my generation is that human beings can alter their lives by altering their attitudes of mind. William James

We need only in cold blood act as if the thing in question was real and it will become infallibly real by growing into such a connection with our life that it will become real. It will become so knit with habit and emotion, that our interest in it will be those which characterize belief. William James

If you only care enough for a result, you will almost certainly ascertain it. If you wish to be rich, you will be rich. If you wish to be learned, you will be learned. If you wish to be good, you will good. Only you must then really wish things and wish them exclusively and not wish at the same time a hundred other compatible things just as strongly. William James

If thou canst believe, all things are possible to him that believeth. Mark 9:23

This is one of the greatest laws in the universe. Fervently do I wish I had discovered it as a very young man. It dawned upon me much later in life and I found it to be one of the greatest, if not my greatest discovery, outside of my relationship to God. And the great law briefly and simply stated is that if you think in negative terms, you’ll get negative results. If you’ll think in positive terms, you will achieve positive results. That is the simple fact which is at the basis of an astonishing law of prosperity and success. In three words, ‘believe and succeed’. Dr. Norman Vincent Peale

Our doubts are traitors and make us lose the good we oft might win by fearing to attempt. William Shakespeare

People are always blaming their circumstances for what they are. I don’t believe in circumstances. The people who get on in this world are the people who get up and look for the circumstances they want and if they can’t find them, make them. George Bernard Shaw

In other words, the secret acts like a mirror.

To live a successful life means creating our own reality, and doing so deliberately by using the power of thought.

Mirror, Mirror

You’ve probably picked it up from Chablani’s illustration, as well as from your own observations throughout the history of mankind: The road to success is, more often than not, a long and lonely one.

As someone who is prone to overthinking, I believe that I’ve created my everyday reality and am responsible for all my setbacks. It’s comforting to say personal achievements out loud, yet looking forward, it’s all too scary to realize them in the first place.

How you decide to succeed, therefore, makes all the difference.

Right now, at 23, I’m lucky to say that the rest of my life still offers a relatively thick block of blank canvas for me to fill. Because I’m aware that every decision I make, both the major and the minor ones, will eventually make a life that constitutes the sum total of my thoughts, I intend to exceed fulfilling my needs by going after my wants quietly.

I envision a life brimming with abundance of my own ideals, and by ideals, I don’t see material gains as much as I see time-tested virtues I particularly value become practiced and crystallized into reality, namely integrity and perseverance.

I’ve had enough of feeling guilty for rejecting others for fear of the attempt. Reframing fear as a motivator and maintaining love as my drive has served me well so far.

I hold Bob Dylan’s definition of success true, which I also believe was a precursor to Steve Jobs’ lifetime achievements as a father, a brother, a husband, a thinker, an innovator, and a hungry fool: “What is money? A man is a success if he gets up in the morning and goes to bed at night and in between does what he wants to do.”

Oh, what freedom it is to desire what you already have.

“Success is going to bed at night in peace,” affirmed Stanley to me once, and I couldn’t agree with him more.

So tell me: What does success mean to you? Share your story on the comments section below.



Love, Stace

The 3 Types of Men [Migrated Post]

{ Greatness is a state of soul, not certain accomplishments. }
Debi Pearl

Recently I stumbled upon this book extract from a friend. It’s from Debi Pearl’s Created to Be His Help Meet.

When it comes to romantic relationships, I still very much consider myself a traditionalist. While I believe that women, like men, are created with an equally independent streak, I also believe that a committed woman has to adjust to her man and his needs (and vice versa).

I haven’t read the book, and I’m not a married woman yet, but I think it’s wise to get myself prepared for the role I’m going to play in my S.O.’s life.

So this is for you ladies. I’m sure you’re going to recognize every men you’ve met, dated, or secretly pictured yourself dating, as one of these types.

Mr. Command Man

God is dominant — a sovereign and all-powerful God. He is also visionary— omniscient and desirous of carrying out his plans. And, God is steady — the same yesterday, and today, and forever, our faithful High Priest. Most men epitomize one of these three aspects of God. No single man completely expresses the well-rounded image of God.

A few men are born with more than their share of dominance and, on the surface, a deficit in gentleness. They often end up in positions that command other men. We will call them Command Men. They are born leaders. They are often chosen by other men to be military commanders, politicians, preachers, heads of corporations, and managers of businesses. Winston Churchill, George Patton, and Ronald Reagan are examples of dominant men. Since our world needs only a few leaders, God seems to limit the number of these Command Men. These men see life as if they are looking from a high mountain, they see the big picture rather than individual needs.

They are known for expecting their wives to wait on them hand and foot. A Command Man does not want his wife involved in any project that prevents her from serving him. If you are blessed to be married to a strong, forceful, bossy man, as I am, then it is very important for you learn how to make an appeal without challenging his authority. We will discuss how to make an appeal later in this book.

Command Men have less tolerance, so they will often walk off and leave their clamoring wife before she has a chance to realize that she is even close to losing her marriage. By the time she realizes that there is a serious problem, she is already a divorced mother seeking help in how to raise her children alone. A woman can fight until she is blue in the face, yet the Command Man will not yield. Yielding would be against his personhood. He is not as intimate or vulnerable as are other men in sharing hi s personal feelings or vocation with his wife. He seems to be sufficient unto himself. It is awful being shut out. A woman married to a Command Man has to earn her place in his heart by proving that she will stand by her man, faithful, loyal, and obedient. When she has won his confidence, he will treasure her to the extreme.

A King wants a Queen, which is why a man in command wants a faithful wife to share his fame and glory. Without a woman’s admiration, his victories are muted. If a wife learns early to enjoy the benefits of taking the second seat, and if she does not take offense to his headstrong aggressiveness, she will be the one sitting at his right side being adored, because this kind of man will totally adore his woman and exalt her. She will be his closest, and sometimes his only, confidante. Over the years, the Command Man can become more yielding and gentle. His wife will discover secret portals to his heart.

If you are married to a king, honor and reverence is something you must give him on a daily basis if you want him to be a benevolent, honest, strong, and fulfilled man of God. He has the potential to become an amazing leader. Never shame him, and do not belittle him or ignore his accomplishments. Make it your life’s goal to become his queen.

Mr. Visionary

God is a Visionary as seen in his person, the Holy Spirit. He made some men in the image of that part of his nature. Prophets, be they true or false, are usually of this type. Some of you are married to men who are shakers, changers, and dreamers. These men get the entire family upset about peripheral issues, such as: do we believe in Christmas? Should we use state marriage licenses? Should a Christian opt out of the Social Security system? The issues may be serious and worthy of one’s commitment, but, in varying degrees, these men have tunnel vision, tenaciously focusing on single issues. They are often the church splitters and the ones who demand doctrinal purity and proper dress and conduct. Like a prophet, they call people to task for their inconsistencies. If they are not wise, they can be real jerks who push their agendas, forcing others to go their way.

Visionaries are often gifted men or inventors, and I am sure it was men of this caliber that conquered the Wild West, though they would not have been the farmers who settled it. Today, Visionary men are street preachers, political activists, organizers and instigators of any front-line social issue. They love confrontation, and hate the status quo. “Why leave it the way it is when you can change it?” They are the men who keep the rest of the world from getting stagnant or dull. The Visionary is consumed with a need to communicate with his words, music, writing, voice, art, or actions. He is the “voice crying out in the wilderness” striving to change the way humanity is behaving or thinking. Good intentions don’t always keep Visionaries from causing great harm. They can stir up pudding and end up with toxic waste if they are not wise. An unwise wife can add to the poison with negative words, or she can, with simple words of caution, bring attention to the goodness of the pudding and the wisdom in leaving it alone. Every Mr. Visionary needs a good, wise, prudent, stable wife who has a positive outlook on life.

The wife of Mr. Visionary should be just a little bit reckless and blind in one eye if she is going to enjoy the ride. If this is your man, you need to learn two very important things (beyond how to make an appeal). Learn how to be flexible, and learn how to always be loyal to your man. You will be amazed at how much happier you will be and how much fun life can be if you learn to just go with the flow — his flow. Life will become an adventure. You will actually begin to feel sorry for the gals married to the stick-in-the-mud, steady type. And once you get it into your head that your husband does not have to be “right” for you to follow him, you will finally be able to say bye bye to your overwrought parents, even when they are screaming that you are married to a crazy man. People looking on will marvel that you are able to love and appreciate your husband, but you will know better because you will see his greatness.

Greatness is a state of soul, not certain accomplishments. Over time, this type of man will become more practical. If you are a young wife married to a man whom your mama thinks is totally crazy — then you may be married to Mr. Visionary. Right now, purpose in your heart to be loyal to him, and to be flexible; then, let your dreamer dream. Lean back and enjoy the ride; it should prove interesting. Visionary Man will talk and talk and talk to his honey if she approves of him. He will be subjective, thinking about feelings, moods, and spiritual insights. One of his greatest needs will be for his wife to think objectively (proven truth) and use common sense, which will help keep his feet from flying too far from solid ground. He spends his life looking through a telescope or microscope, and he will be stunned that what he sees (or thinks he sees), others do not seem to notice or care about.

Mr. Steady

God is as steady as an eternal rock, caring, providing, and faithful, like a priest like Jesus Christ. He created many men in that image. We will call him Mr. Steady — “in the middle, not given to extremes.” The Steady Man does not make snap decisions or spend his last dime on a new idea, and he doesn’t try to tell other people what to do. He avoids controversy.

Being married to a Steady Man has its rewards and its trials. On the good side, your husband never puts undue pressure on you to perform miracles. He doesn’t expect you to be his servant. You do not spend your days putting out emotional fires, because he doesn’t create tension in the family. You rarely feel hurried, pushed, pressured, or forced. The women married to Visionary Men look at you in wonder that your husband seems so balanced and stable. The wife of Command Man marvels at the free time you seem to have. If your dad happened to be a Steady Man, then chances are you will appreciate your husband’s down-to-earth, practical life for the wonderful treasure it is.

When you are married to a man who is steady and cautious, and you have a bit of the impatient romantic in you, you may not see his worth and readily honor him. You may be discontent because he is slow and cautious to take authority or make quick decisions. A bossy woman sees her husband’s lack of hasty judgment and calls her Steady husband “wishy-washy.” His steadiness makes him the last to change, so he seems to be a follower because he is seldom out front forming up the troops. There is no exciting rush in him, just a slow, steady climb with no bells or whistles. You wish he would just make up his mind, and that he would take a stand in the church. He seems to just let people use him. There are times you wish he would boldly tell you what to do so you would not have to carry all the burden of decision-making.

Some women equate their husband’s wise caution and lack of open passion as being unspiritual. His lack of spontaneity and open boldness may look like indifference to spiritual things. However, he is like deep, deep water. The very depth makes the movement almost imperceptible, but it is, nevertheless, very strong. He will be confused with your unhappiness and try to serve you more, which may further diminish your respect for his masculinity. Disappointment and unthankfulness can make you wearier than any amount of duties. His very steadiness keeps him on his middle-of-the-road course, and it will drive a controlling woman crazy. This is why many disgruntled ladies married to Mr. Steadys fall victim to hormonal imbalance, physical illness, or emotional problems.

Know Your Man

Wives are very much flesh and blood, and as young women, we don’t come to marriage with all the skills needed to make it start out good, let alone perfect. When you come to know your man for whom God created him to be, you will stop trying to change him into what you think he should be.

The key is to know your man. If he is Mr. Steady, you need to learn to be thankful and to honor him as the one created for you in the image of God. Your husband’s gentleness is not a weakness; it is his strength. Your husband’s hesitation is not indecision; it is cautious wisdom. Your husband’s lack of deep spiritual conversation is not a lack of caring; it is simply the cap on a mountain of intense emotions.

If this describes your man, you need to learn how to stand still and listen; then let God move your husband in his own good time. Ask God for wisdom and patience. Seek to always have a gentle spirit. Stop expecting him to perform for you, to pray with the family, to speak out in witnessing, or to take a bold stand at church. Stop trying to stir him up to anger toward the children in order to get him to feel as though he understands how badly you are being treated. Let him be the one God made him to be: a still, quiet, thoughtful presence — for you!

A Steady Man likes a woman to walk beside him, yet grow in her own right before God and him. He needs a resourceful, hardworking woman with dignity and honor. It is important to Mr. Steady that his wife is able to be self-sufficient in all the mundane tasks of daily living. These men can be some of the most important men in the church, because their steadfastness is sure, and their loyalty is strong. They make wise, well-thought-out decisions.

Typically, Steady Men do not become as well known as Command or Visionary Men. They are not odd or stand-out men. They are not loud. They are neither irritating nor particularly magnificent. Women and men alike envy and desire a Command Man. People are often drawn and compelled by the Visionary. But the Steady Man is taken for granted. Much of this book has been written to help young wives learn to honor, obey, and appreciate the Steady Man just as he is.

Mr. Steady will enjoy the company of others and be most comfortable spending time in small talk with whoever is around. Of the three types, he is the one that will be most liked by everyone. Mr. Steady is always in demand. He belongs to people. He does not focus on the eternal picture like Mr. Command, nor is he looking through a microscope as Mr. Visionary, but he does respect both views as important. His vision is as a man seeing life just as it is. He can shift his sights to the sky and know there is more up there than he can see, and he wonders about it. Or, he can stare into a muddy pond and appreciate that there is a whole world in there that he knows nothing about. In most of life, he is a bridge between the other two types of men. He is a very necessary expression of God’s image. Of the three different kinds of men, it is more important that Mr. Steady have a help meet who likes him just as he is.

So which one of these godly types sounds most like your man? More importantly, are you ready to be his help mate? (I know I don’t. At least not yet :p)



Love, Stace

If You Are A Color, What Are You? [Migrated Post]

I'm always fascinated by personality typologies. You learn so much from the differences between you and your friends.

At the end of the day, I believe every one of us are as unique as how much we allow and dare ourselves to be. In this case, it’s how vibrant or delicate you represent a color from the undulating spectrum.

Get to know yourself a bit better through astrologer Michelle Bernhardt’s COLORSTROLOGY exposé, sponsored by color corporation PANTONE®. The revelatory chart is categorized into months, then dates, that tells you who you are according to the time of the year you’re born in. What follows is the specific tone from a color family that you resemble most.

Simply select your birth month and you’ll see a rainbow of color tones from various hues. You’ll notice how similar shades of different colors cluster together to depict a common trait or aspect of a person born in the selected month.

Apparently February has a dewy palette and is full of subtle pastels, such as salmons, sages, and lavenders. Hover on your birth date to see the specific color tone you represent.

As for me, if I am a part of any color, COLORSTROLOGY says that I belong to the pink/purple family:

February: Sheer Lilac

PANTONE® 16-3617

• Uplifting
• Progressive
• Detached

The color for the month of February is Sheer Lilac. Inspiring and imaginative, this color invokes the qualities of humanity and kindness. Sheer Lilac helps us comprehend the spirit of mankind and allows us to experience our friends and the people in our community as family. Use this color when emotionally entangled, as it can help you practice and understand detachment. Wear, meditate, and surround yourself with Sheer Lilac to enhance your spirituality and compassion.

February 24: Pink Nectar

PANTONE® 14-2305

• Sensitive
• Talented
• Aesthetic

You have a soft spot when it comes to loving and caring for people that are close to you. Trying to find a balance between taking care of yourself and the needs of others can be one of your challenges. You are usually good at anything related to the arts or creativity. [So, so true.] Your personal color helps you express your love without becoming too attached. Wearing, meditating, or surrounding yourself with Pink Nectar accentuates your beautiful spirit and allows you to enjoy the treasures that life brings your way.

On a side note, it’s also interesting how you can actually use a particular color tone, whether in any part of your clothing or accessories, to take charge of your mood and make the most of that day. Good to know that we're not supposed to leave everything up to fate.



Love, Stace

How To Save A Marriage [Migrated Post]

This is a chain-message story that really hit it home. Hope you get as much out of it as I did.

“When I got home that night as my wife served dinner, I held her hand and said, I’ve got something to tell you. She sat down and ate quietly. Again I observed the hurt in her eyes.

Suddenly I didn’t know how to open my mouth. But I had to let her know what I was thinking. I want a divorce. I raised the topic calmly. She didn’t seem to be annoyed by my words, instead she asked me softly, why?

I avoided her question. This made her angry. She threw away the chopsticks and shouted at me, you are not a man! That night, we didn’t talk to each other. She was weeping. I knew she wanted to find out what had happened to our marriage. But I could hardly give her a satisfactory answer; she had lost my heart to Jane. I didn’t love her anymore. I just pitied her!

With a deep sense of guilt, I drafted a divorce agreement which stated that she could own our house, our car, and 30% stake of my company. She glanced at it and then tore it into pieces. The woman who had spent ten years of her life with me had become a stranger. I felt sorry for her wasted time, resources and energy but I could not take back what I had said for I loved Jane so dearly. Finally she cried loudly in front of me, which was what I had expected to see. To me her cry was actually a kind of release. The idea of divorce which had obsessed me for several weeks seemed to be firmer and clearer now.

What Would You Do if You Have 4 Wives? [Migrated Post]

A week ago, I was with 10 at our weekly small group. There was this one story the group leader shared, and it provided insight about our temporary human life here. Apparently it's quite a popular story called "The Story of Four Wives", which originated from Buddhist teachings. It really doesn’t matter what religious belief you have, but I personally believe that anyone can relate to it.

I retrieved this exact copy of the story from an easy Google search. Check it out.

Once upon a time there was a rich King who had four wives. He loved the 4th wife the most and adorned her with rich robes and treated her to the finest of delicacies. He gave her nothing but the best.

He also loved the 3rd wife very much and was always showing her off to neighboring kingdoms. However, he feared that one day she would leave him for another.

He also loved his 2nd wife. She was his confidante and was always kind, considerate and patient with him. Whenever the King faced a problem, he could confide in her, and she would help him get through the difficult times.

The King’s 1st wife was a very loyal partner and had made great contributions in maintaining his wealth and kingdom. However, he did not love the first wife. Although she loved him deeply, he hardly took notice of her!

One day, the King fell ill and he knew his time was short. He thought of his luxurious life and wondered, “I now have four wives with me, but when I die, I’ll be all alone.”

Thus, he asked the 4th wife, “I have loved you the most, endowed you with the finest clothing and showered great care over you. Now that I’m dying, will you follow me and keep me company?” “No way!”, replied the 4th wife, and she walked away without another word. Her answer cut like a sharp knife right into his heart.

The sad King then asked the 3rd wife, “I have loved you all my life. Now that I’m dying, will you follow me and keep me company?” “No! “, replied the 3rd wife. “Life is too good! When you die, I’m going to remarry!” His heart sank and turned cold.

He then asked the 2nd wife, “I have always turned to you for help and you’ve always been there for me. When I die, will you follow me and keep me company?” “I’m sorry, I can’t help you out this time!”, replied the 2nd wife. “At the very most, I can only walk with you to your grave.” Her answer struck him like a bolt of lightning, and the King was devastated.

Then a voice called out: “I’ll go with you. I’ll follow you no matter where you go.” The King looked up, and there was his first wife. She was very skinny as she suffered from malnutrition and neglect. Greatly grieved, the King said, “I should have taken much better care of you when I had the chance!”

In truth, we all have the 4 wives in our lives: Our 4th wife is our body. No matter how much time and effort we lavish in making it look good, it will leave us when we die.

Our 3rd wife is our possessions, status and wealth. When we die, it will all go to others.

Our 2nd wife is our family and friends. No matter how much they have been there for us, the furthest they can stay by us is up to the grave.

And our 1st wife is our Soul. Often neglected in pursuit of wealth, power and pleasures of the world. However, our Soul is the only thing that will follow us wherever we go. Cultivate, strengthen and cherish it now, for it is the only part of us that will follow us to the throne of God and continue with us throughout Eternity.

I think there’s something in there, don’t you think? Then I found the Buddhist’s interpretation of it, and it’s called "Karma (The Four Wives)":

 “In one of the Agama Sutras, the Buddha’s early sermons, there is a very interesting story:

Once there was a man who had four wives. According to the social system and circumstances of ancient India, it was possible for a man to have several wives. Also, during the Heian period in Japan, about a thousand years ago, it was not unusual for a woman to have several husbands. The Indian had become ill and was about to die. At the end of his life, he felt very lonely and so asked the first wife to accompany him to the other world.

‘My dear wife,’ he said, ‘I loved you day and night, I took care of you throughout my whole life. Now I am about to die, will you please go with me wherever I go after my death?’

He expected her to answer yes. But she answered, ‘My dear husband, I know you always loved me. And you are going to die. Now it is time to separate from you. Goodbye, my dear.’

He called his second wife to his sickbed and begged her to follow him in death. He said, ‘My dear second wife, you know how I loved you. Sometimes I was afraid you might leave me, but I held on to you strongly. My dear, please come with me.’

The second wife expressed herself rather coldly. ‘Dear husband, your first wife refused to accompany you after your death. How can I follow you? You loved me only for your own selfish sake.’

Lying in his deathbed, he called his third wife, and asked her to follow him. The third wife replied, with tears in her eyes, ‘My dear, I pity you and I feel sad for myself. Therefore I shall accompany you to the graveyard. This is my last duty to you.’ The third wife thus also refused to follow him to death.

Three wives had refused to follow him after his death. Now he recalled that there was another wife, his fourth wife, for whom he didn’t care very much. He had treated her like a slave and had always showed much displeasure with her. He now thought that if he asked her to follow him to death, she certainly would say no.

But his loneliness and fear were so severe that he made the effort to ask her to accompany him to the other world. The fourth wife gladly accepted her husband’s request.

‘My dear husband,’ she said, ‘I will go with you. Whatever happens, I am determined to be with you forever. I cannot be separated from you.”

This is the story of ‘A Man and His Four Wives.’

Gautama Buddha concluded the story as follows:

‘Every man and woman has four wives or husbands. What do these wives signify?’

THE FIRST WIFE 

The first ‘wife’ is our body. We love our body day and night. In the morning, we wash our face, put on clothing and shoes. We give food to our body. We take care of our body like the first wife in this story. But unfortunately, at the end of our life, the body, the first ‘wife’ cannot follow us to the next world. As it is stated in a commentary, ‘When the last breath leaves our body, the healthy color of the face is transformed, and we lose the appearance of radiant life. Our loved ones may gather around and lament, but to no avail. When such an event occurs, the body is sent into an open field and cremated, leaving only the white ashes.’ This is the destination of our body.

THE SECOND WIFE 

What is the meaning of the second wife? The second ‘wife’ stands for our fortune, our material things, money, property, fame, position, and job that we worked hard to attain. We are attached to these material possessions. We are afraid to lose these material things and wish to possess much more. There is no limit. At the end of our life these things cannot follow us to death. Whatever fortune we have piled up, we must leave it. We came into this world with empty hands. During our life in this world, we have the illusion that we obtained a fortune. At death, our hands are empty. We can’t hold our fortune after our death, just as the second wife told her husband: ‘You hold me with your ego-centered selfishness. Now it is time to say goodbye.’

THE THIRD WIFE 
What is meant by the third wife? Everyone has a third ‘wife’. This is the relationship of our parents, sister and brother, all relatives, friends, and society. They will go as far as the graveyard, with tears in their eyes. They are sympathetic and saddened… Thus, we cannot depend on our physical body, our fortune, and our society. We are born alone and we die alone. No one will accompany us after our death.

THE FOURTH WIFE Sakyamuni Buddha mentioned the fourth wife, who would accompany her husband after his death. What does that mean? The fourth ‘wife’ is our mind [or Alaya consciousness]. When we deeply observe and recognize that our minds are filled with anger, greed, and dissatisfaction, we are having a good look at our lives. The anger, greed, and dissatisfaction are karma, the law of causation. We cannot be separated from our own karma. As the fourth wife told her dying husband, ‘I will follow you wherever you go.'”

OK. When I was first told about this story, the immediate perspective I gained was not about how each wife resembles these aspects of our lives, but a series of stages when a man, designed to be like god, transforms his human love from the very first stages of dating to the end of a marriage.

I thought about how guys give all the attention you need the moment they first laid eyes on you. They give you everything you want, they go distances just to have see you, and they’ll do anything just to get a little bit of your love. During this time, a woman is youthful, beautiful. She is the embodiment of innocence, purity, thus the healthy body she has. You cannot deny looking at something beautiful, because it’s human nature. It’s like the Law of Gravity – you can’t deny that you can’t fly.

Then, after some time, she likes you too. She reciprocates as time goes by, as the guy showers her with flowers and chocolates and teddy bears, then more kisses and hugs and lotsa love. Whatever it is you’re working hard for, you give it to her. She gives thanks, and so you want to give her more. You want to be the best man out there for her. And you go out there, go to the furthest distances, get all the delicious food and prettiest clothes just to assure yourself that she will never leave you. You make her feel comfortable, secure; that someone able is taking good care of her.

But you’re still human. You can’t possibly energize yourself for so long without going through negative feelings, being down, tired and all. And with that big house you built for her, and all the materials you’ve comforted her with, she finally gives you an assurance. You’re confident that she’s going to understand your human-ness, she can’t expect you to be an unstoppable spirit all the time. She listens to you when you really need it. That’s when a man feels completely at home, because he’s embraced altogether by his great works, his good wife, and it all happens within his comfort zone. The woman then realizes he’s a good man, so she decided he’s a keeper. She would spend the rest of her life staying by his side, married to him, sharing this religious commitment to take good care of each other through sickness and health, ’til death to them part.

For the rest of their lives, he slowly but surely take her for granted. Her soul grew stronger through much patience and resilience with her husband, because she never gave up on the man and his will to become godly. We are all designed to be godly. He grew greedy, lustful, angry and all the other earthly sins he learned without consciousness. He go home to his house every night, knowing that everything is taken care of and he does not have to shower his caretaker all those flowers and chocolates and teddy bears he used to do anymore. In fact, he barely knows anyone is living in this beautiful house anymore except him and his ego; his unconscious mind just assumes that the house is that way from the very beginning, taken care of, just like God has taken care of us and we didn’t think of how our lives would be if there is no eternal caretaker around ’til the end. We grasp the momentary things, we forget the eternal bliss, we don’t look back nor do we look forward, and we grew to believe that our lives are meaningless.

Now I believe that you, my reader, are just like me: You don’t want to be that husband. I, as a woman, don’t want to lock my Spirit inside a prisoner’s mind of our materialistic society and let it be inactive throughout my life on this earth. I want to keep letting it feeling active, ideally renewed every week, and rejuvenated once in a while. When we have the courage to give and share to other humans without expecting anything in return, I believe we’re showing our brightest light our Soul can ever shine. Somehow when you touch others and their lives, the whole world becomes brighter.

Then again, I am still dealing with my fears, trusting people and being taken advantage of. I was not raised by a Tiger mom. My mother broke a very simple promise once, which I think was very important promise to keep (at that time). I told her who my crush was. I told her how I wrote about him in my diaries and everything (I’m embarrassed to say the details), and she pinky-promised me not to tell anyone. The next day, and I mean the very next day, she told everything to her friend, who giggles at me and drops his name occasionally throughout that day. I was really angry, and I never trusted my mom for certain things these days (but of course I tell her the important stuff I believe she will never say a word to anyone). As I grew up, I began to realize that I do the exact thing to others, and that’s when I realized I’m human too. So I forgave her for breaking other important promises, but sometimes, the hardest thing to do is to forgive yourself.

In the end, all we can conclude from here is that we’re all just humans. The easiest way out is to end it all with a very cowardice statement: We are mortal beings who are limited in every way. On the other hand, we tend to forget that we can transcend ourselves when we’re wholly one with our Spirit. Somewhere deep inside, your instincts tell you that you’re capable of so much more than this. You have someone out there, up there, looking out for you at all times.

I don’t believe that our lives end here on earth. I never believe that eating good food, wearing nice clothes, looking good and building a good family is all there is to life.

Now, imagine you’re the wife. Even when you say the word ‘wife’, it’s like a baby’s saying ‘life’. We’re all babies inside. If I may quote Freudian beliefs, we’re like egoistic babies who love to whine about our current psychological (and perhaps physiological too) state in life, when actually it is precisely the cause of who we are, what we do, and what we believe in.

Maybe that’s why they always say, “Behind a great man there is a great woman,” because a wife’s role is so much more than a possession, an object, or anything static. A wife is an ideal – she’s an undying Soul, stripped off the earthly possessions, a worthy objective, a dynamite. It takes a big heart to make use of God’s grace to cope with that kind of husband and, at the same time, taking care of herself.

I guess that’s who any woman is intended to be, a daughter of Eve,a sinful woman, meant to turn around into a godly being. So does her man, and any man, for that matter.

I think that there are some great lessons we can learn just from hearing the story of these four wives, which lives in all of us human beings. Obviously, we can go on and on with this discussion. My note out of it is to simply remember that there is an eternal being guiding us through our difficult times, so that we can lead a more thriving life.