10 and I are currently reading Dan Brown’s latest opus, Inferno. We’re late, we’re aware of that, but it doesn’t make the book any less interesting.
This is not the first time he and I read something together. Toward the end of our LDR, we read the Fifty Shades trilogy together. We’d catch up on each other to see whether we’ve reached a particular point in the plot, and we’d share our opinions on the characters involved. He’d wish he was Christian Grey on his helicopter ride to SF, and I’d bitch about Elena. It was fun.
On this retrospect, I am blessed to be with a guy who reads. I ruminate upon past prospects who either don’t read, refuses to, or just can’t appreciate good literature, and I’m thankful for where I am today. I can’t imagine a relationship without the kind of connection and level of intimacy 10 and I have today. It’s deep, visceral, very much in touch with our instincts and complete with plenty of room to connect, relate, grow and love.
Growing up as an avid reader, I thought books are precisely the stuff I should be spending less time with in order to score that cool, sensitive guy ideal in my head. But according to new research, I’d have to thank my Hemingways, Orwells, Kafkas, Coelhos and the rest of the gang for my social life.
I know the Fifty Shades fluff and kink won’t exactly improve your smarts, but it doesn’t mean you should stop reading contemporary literature. Turns out it’s a great idea to finally get your hands on that reading list your English Lit teacher has bestowed upon you: Reading literary fiction, as opposed to pop fiction or serious nonfiction, really does cultivate better social skills (check out this NYTimes report). It just seems natural because you are following strong, three-dimensional characters around rather than sticking with a formulaic plot, enabling you to be more sensitive to the emotions of others around you:
The researchers say the reason is that literary fiction often leaves more to the imagination, encouraging readers to make inferences about characters and be sensitive to emotional nuance and complexity.
It took some time for 10 to discover the secret I’ve withheld from every guy I’ve dated – the secret that I read like a starving man eats burgers and that I have a fetish for talking nerdy. Instinctively I hide this side of myself from everyone, not just guys I have crushes on, because of the conventional wisdom that’s always stated that the bookish girls are straight losers. The stigma portrayed on popular media has stuck on to my psyche so strongly from such an early age that it’s still with me up to this day.
Thank God times have now changed, as nerds are now in (Mark Zuckerberg, Bill Gates, Larry Page, and other billionaires, to name a few). Slowly I let it loose and reveal the fact that I spend my downtime reading the latest research on neuroscience, watching documentaries on quantum physics, trying to understand the human experience and consciousness. It’s a lot for one guy to take in, but it didn’t happen overnight. 10 started it all when he casually told me he stayed up all night every year to watch the E3 Expo live. We’ve gone a long way from there. By now he’d already seen every bit of my nerdom and I his, and I learned that there’s nothing to hide about when in fact, there are many things to be thankful about.
Whether your crush, date, or husband collects the Everyman’s classics or thinks he’s the next Zuckerberg, here are some reasons why he’s the keeper for you:
He’s into you for the whole package – not just for the cover.
A cliche, I know, and okay, so maybe it all did start from the cover. Unless you’re a robot or a zombie, everyone has preconceived notions about a book by its cover. The design of your book jacket may be the first thing he saw at the storefront, but it’s your story that won his heart over. Sure, there’s the saying that goes all guys are visual creatures. Stories may come in intangible forms, but they’re treasures that contain life’s most valuable lessons. If there aren’t any, your story won’t be published in the first place. Chances are, the guy who reads is a lifelong learner. Whether you’re 116 pages long or 9,998, he’ll still carry you around to be his pillar for support, strength when he needs it, and a confidante when he filled you in on his Princess Leia fantasy.
He doesn’t objectify you.
When you thought he’s just another guy who only wants to get physical with you, he reels you in, cuddles you, and starts a debate that probes the validity of male chauvinism. He’ll make clever references to support his proposition from the stuff he’s read, seen or heard, then he asks for your take on the subject – even when you’re without your clothes on.
He preserves his inner child.
I’ve met a guy who outwardly has the whole package – i.e. ideal physical proportions (tall, dark, handsome and all) – but who refuses to watch a Pixar movie and other “kiddie movies” when he was out on a movie date with me. Of course, that was way back before Pixar was cool. Last I heard of him, he’s stealing girlfriends and has accumulated the beer belly.
No matter how tough life can get, it’s hard to knock down the guy who grew up with Tom Sawyer and Huckleberry Finn. If you look carefully, you’ll notice that men who take pride and stay in touch with their boyhood tend to be the ones who hold fast to his faith, still believing in miracles, and enjoy the wealth he’s accumulated later in life.
He’ll make the best partner in crime.
Uh huh, you’ll be the annoying couple who seems interested in just about everything from the sci-fi section all the way through the magazine rack, whispering sweet nothings to each other, coming up with ideas about your dreams, your passion, your future and all. You could make such a wonderful world together.
He doesn’t invade your privacy.
… provided it’s just as you respect him and his manhood too. He understands how a person can be so engrossed in a Playboy issue, or Maxim, or Sports Illustrated.
No, seriously. Everybody needs space to recharge sometimes, perhaps with a good book or a bubble bath. Most guys haven’t the slightest clue when it comes to being protective of your feelings. Just because he’s an open book to you doesn’t mean you are ready to reciprocate, and of all people, he understands that takes time.
You’ll be surprised how much he knows you better than you think.
So you have a weird thing for vintage paperbacks, or perhaps a really soft spot for minted hot chocolate. Maybe it’s just the way you titter whenever he blows hot air to the nape of your neck, or the way you beam and curl your lips whenever he’s fed you something delish. He notices those things. ALL of them, especially the things you try hide. No matter how hard you work to project yourself as a non-weird, ladylike image, the guy who reads is bound to pick up the subtlest emotional nuances of the people around him.
{ For when he sees your face, he would be inventing ways to tell you how you complete him, or create scenarios of how life would be so wonderful with you. Thought Catalog }
He knows what he has.
That said, you’re the lost star of his nightstand, the book from his childhood he’s been looking for since forever, and that’s never going to change unless you tell him to.
… and he wants you to be you.
Either you spend the rest of your life trying to become the second-rate version of an existing bestseller, or you vow to be a kickass author of your own, it’s up to you, but if you must know, you are his muse, and he wants nothing more than you to write your heart out and ooze every iota of awesomeness you have onto the pages that lie ahead of you. Live out your fiction, for his wits, his charms, and everything else about him are the things he do in the hopes of becoming a big part of your book.
He’s never too tired run the extra mile just to figure you out.
No man ever walked on this planet has fully understood the “mechanics” of his other half – not even Einstein, not even Hawking. That’s because women weren’t made to be understood, but loved.
“Some men spend a lifetime in an attempt to comprehend the complexities of women,” said Einstein. “Others preoccupy themselves with somewhat simpler tasks, such as understanding the theory of relativity.”
Great men of history taught us that the well-read guy would go extraordinary lengths to cover all 9,998 pages of you. He’d be going word for word, searching for meaning and connecting the dots, only to find that the missing piece of his work is keeping you close to his heart.
He’ll be glad to spend the rest of his life trying to figure you out.
If after some years the guy who reads is still by your side, you’ve got yourself a keeper. By then, he knows it’ll take more than a lifetime for him to finish peeling those layers of you, even after your last pages has drawn to a close. In all the world’s irony, it’s the discovery, the unraveling, the amusement along the way as well as the onion tears from peeling all that tingling layers of you that drives the guy who reads to always come back to you and finally, settle for you.
Anything else I missed? Do share your thoughts below. Oh, wait. Do check out @HotDudesReading before anything else ;)
Love, Stace
