Dear C: Love is Not a Single-Celled Organism

Way before our marriage, mommy asked daddy an important question that's going to determine the love that's going to cement the foundation of our family: 

Can we just be together and not give a care about the world?

Mommy already knew the answer. The answer is, of course, a no, albeit a sympathetic one. 

Why, my dear? Why do you have to give a care about the world around you, especially when you're currently placed in a situation or an environment where you feel like you don't quite fit in?

The simple answer is because you are living in it.

Look around you. You are blessed with the roof over your head and the meals on your plate and the clothing you are putting on right now. Where do these resources come from? The world. The people around you. Your neighbours, your friends, even your enemies.

Yes, mommy and daddy are the ones providing them all for you. But we aren't carpenters or cooks or dressmakers. We aren't it all, we can't do it all, and we're definitely not perfect. 

I know it hurts. The last thing you want to do is reach out to the one who hurts you in vulnerability, even when you've done no wrong. But love lives not in isolation but in relationships. We need the people around us to work together so that important things can get done, even when we don't always like it.

Look at Father. He gave his only Son to the world, who is the most precious part of himself, so that those who believe in His Love and his sincerity will live. 

What if Jesus never finished God's plan while he was on earth? We will still be perpetually fighting our inner demons by ourselves, for ourselves, not giving two cents about the people around us ... and without realizing it, we're on the road to self-destruction. He took it all out on himself in victory.

So remember this: To love is to give. A mature response to loving people and hateful people is to equally act in their best interest. It is not your responsibility to make them love you back, nor it is your responsibility to justify yourself, or to convince others into believing in your story and embracing your uniqueness. That is a job fit only for the creator of the world. 

How Would You Describe Yourself?

Whenever you're asked to describe yourself on profile, what do you say?

It evolves as you go on different stages of your life.

At the moment, I'm reluctant to say that I'm a full-time mom, even though technically I am one. So much of my time is spent on Cassie ever since she was born. That's expected.

But before I got pregnant, I was adamant about not prioritizing my mom role above everything. I am first a daughter, a wife, then a mother. And that means the foremost fact that I'm eternally saved by Jesus doesn’t change, so does secondly being the general manager of the family's overall wellbeing plus accountant of household expenditures.

I'm also working part-time. And that means another extra role besides daughter, wife, and mom. It's a lot of roles, and the more I think about how I want to describe myself, the more I think describing yourself is actually limiting.

Women are often praised as multitaskers, yet I suck at multitasking. If my focus is everywhere but in the moment, my productivity decreases down to 0%. But I do know this: The only thing that confines our identity and roles in life is ourselves. We are capable of multiplying our roles within the boundaries we set for ourselves. As we grow wiser with experience over time, we come to understand that limits are supposed to set us free, instead of us taking on roles and boxing different aspects of our life into individual packages.

What I learned ever since becoming a mom besides these new skills is that it's all a balancing act, a juggle of sorts. I have a bullet journal that keeps my time, energy, and workload organized - and the rest of my free time is the reward I get by spending time with Cassie, because even though she is not the top priority, she is a priority. This doesn't mean I love her any less than the next mother. It just means I don’t go crazy. I used to plan out specific time blocks for every aspect of my life, and when it all doesn't go according to my plan, I sulk.

But having Cassie changed me, changed hubs and us and our marriage. When others kept telling us, "Wait till you have children, you'll fight often," we only became even more aligned with each other. My first and, argually, only identity have not changed ever since having Cassie, and the same goes for the hubs as God's son. Our dearest Cassidy is like an extra slab of glue that binds us even tighter than ever before, a gift of eternal joy from our Father in heaven.

And for that, as a mom, a wife, and a daughter, I'm grateful.